Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

I wasn't going to post anything again until I could write back to everyone who kindly took the time to respond to my last post, but I'm all stirred up and upset and I have to get it out. I just took TWO Xanax, which is really rare for me. Scott had me so upset last night with our petty little arguings that I took one. That's three in two days. God, please don't let me turn into a drug-popping Xanax addict?

My Mother's really, really nice weekend housekeeper, (another one of the many decent people who we have hired to work on the weekends but who get driven out by mom's horrible monstrous housekeeper during the week), called and told me she's quitting because she thinks that Rosa is evil. She said, "She is actually not my friend. I want to stay away from her. I don't want to be here any more because she is really evil person. I really saw the mean side of her personality. The way she is with everyone, always talking behind they backs. Before she makes worse trouble for me I am out of her."

I absolutely hate the woman who works during the week, but mother adores her. Everyone who works for her tells me that she is evil, everyone who works on the weekends gets fed up and quits, and I can see how grabby and domineering and backstabbing she is. But mother can't and will listen to me but then forgets everything because she needs her so much. She scares the &^%$ out of me. Anyway it really got me stirred up listening to this woman tell me that I have to protect my interests and be a good daughter and visit my Mother more often, can you imagine, my mother who I am alternately terrified of and disgusted by, but who I love like an obsessive little schoolgirl?

It is such a mess, my life, and it becomes clearer to me the less I am able to eat, and the more weight I shed, how totally unmanageable it all is. I need to get to a meeting, but which one, which one of many that I could easily become a member of, OA, ACA, Coda, ISA, SIA, SLAA, ARTS, DA, Alanon, NA, CA, Marijuananon, I mean Lord, where do I begin. Sorry, I should be posting this on my own journal, I'm just upset and I saw your post and came running over. Maybe I'll just copy this to my journal as well. Please Jen, let's get together? Do you ever have any time? Come take a walk with me or bring your dogs? and I'll get my dogs and we'll take them to the park? I can get out for little trips like this.

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