Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Well, we're off for our house in the desert for a few days. It's going to be a lot to manage, Mom, Rosa, Irma, Beau, and all of Irma's kids. I was looking forward to it until Beau threw a fit tonight about not wanting to go right after school. He said he wouldn't go to school tomorrow if I planned on making him go to Palm Desert right after. he gave me an ultimatum; either I let him skip school or we go on Saturday. Blah. I had to stand up to him and let him know it isn't okay to come into my room and start raising his voice and making demands, insisting we change plans to accomodate him the night before we're leaving. He was such a broken record, nothing I said got through to him, and he kept repeating the same whiny upset phrases until I just cut him off, and like the kind of Mom I would hate to have, told him we were going and that's it.

I wish I could let him skip school. I wish I could let him skip school any time he likes, but he's missed way too many days as it is. I hate being the mean, tough, stand-up-to-the-bratty-distressed-kid, Mommy Mom person. Sometimes I just have to be tough and do it -- even though I don't like the way I act when I do it -- even though it's really hard because I'm still the same person who from the moment he was born, wants to alleviate or prevent any kind of discomfort or unhappiness that may come his way. It is so hard being a parent sometimes, finding the right ballance between being the kind of Mom you want to be, or the kind of Mom you would want to have, and the kind of Mom that you know your naughty kid needs you to be. I'm going to take a deep breath and calm down.

I'm looking forward to swimming and seeing all of the creatures at the Living Desert. I also like going to the movies at The River. I hope it won't be too hard dealing with so many people and all of their differing needs. Plus creepy Rosa is going and I'm just not in the mood for having to be anywhere near her after everything I've had to deal with because of her lately.

I tried that semi-new tanning spray thing, Mystic Tan, yesterday. You put cream on your hands and feet to block the stain from turning you too orange there, get naked, and then stand on this metal plate in this blue shower-like booth, push this button, and these jets spray the chemicals on your body. When they stop you turn around and the jets spray your backside. I felt like a car getting a cheap paint job -- the way the nozzles move up and down your body and the smell of the misty tanning stuff. It was kind of shocking too, loud and cold. But it's always fun to try something new, and I look like I've been laying out for a few days, weeeeee.

God, it seems as if I am not eating anything, or really hardly anything, but my weight hasn't moved for a few days. I'm so impatient. First I wanted to get to thirty pounds down, then fifty, and now I want it to be sixty, and I want it yesterday.

I saw these pictures of Carnie Wilson (I never know how to spell her name) in the Enquirer or the Star and they were so mean. They were claiming that she had gained twenty pounds, well so what, I thought she looked great. She's wearing a tight floraly print top and jeans, and has long blonde extensions. She looked happy and I would give a lot just to have a big butt that can fit into jeans and look okay. So she's not Charlie's Angel's babealicious buff, so what. She looked really good to me.

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