I've been living on Wheat Thins, Wispride Cheese and oranges. I don't know how healthy that is, but it's working for now. I'm taking vitamins and I trust that my body will tell me when it needs something different. Oh actually I had a few bites of a Taco Bell Mexican Pizza without the meat today. They refry their beans in water so lots of WLS people recommend them.
Beau and little Rosa got into a fight over the neighbor's swing today. Rosa had been on it for a while and Beau felt that it should be his turn so he bullied her off the swing. Then Rosa said something like, "That's not fair Beau. I hate you!" and somehow the way she said it wasn't perfect so he made fun of her English.
I had to referee the whole thing. I was on Rosa's side. I don't like it when he uses his size or his strength to get his way and I really detest his ever making fun of someone else, especially Rosa who is the only one of her siblings who didn't grow up here, and who is trying really hard to learn to speak English. She got so upset she told her Mom that she thinks she's so bad at speaking English that there's no point in trying anymore because everyone is just going to make fun of her. Then when she was crying she told our dog Alley that she didn't think they could be friends since Alley speaks English and Rosa speaks Spanish. Okay so she's a little overdramatic but Beau has to learn to be more compassionate and less of a shit.
My friend Mary left a message on my machine saying that she had spoken with a certain Los Angeles society about my Grandmother. They said they knew who she was and would love to put a fashion show together at the El Rey theatre next year using her clothes. Mary said I could be the speaker. This would be so terrific because I've been dying to put a show together and this a.) wouldn't cost me anything, b.) is far enough away that it gives me time to gather a few more special dresses, and c.) I want to do something like this for my Mom before it's too late. She's eighty-seven and getting more weary and forgetful by the day so I don't think we have a lot of time here. Everyone should have a friend like Mary, seriously.
Scott called and told me that a woman from House and Garden TV called him and left a message saying she wanted me to be on her show. It was too late to call her back and I don't even know what show she's talking about. My friend Monica was on a HGTV show. How exciting! Opportunities seem to be popping up all over the place lately.
My Mom and Rosa are in Rancho Santa Fe with my aunt Jani so today was the perfect day to go to Mom's house to look around Rosa's (my Mother's evil housekeeper), room and assess things. I took Irma with me because I get so distressed and anxious when I go to my Mom's and I just knew it would be so much less scary if she was with me. I'm so glad I took her because she's cagier than I am and realized that Rosa had vacuumed the rugs before leaving and that if we walked on them, especially me because I always go barefoot, we would leave prints and she would know we had been there. I looked down and there were these huge perfect footprints in the plush white carpet. I don't want Rosa to know anything about what I do because she will use every advantage to get me in trouble with my Mother to try to improve her position. Anyway you should have seen us walking sideways and sweeping away the footprints so no one would know we had been there. It's so pathetic and sad to have to be so sneaky. It hurts me.
We went through her drawers and looked under her bed but she knows we're doing this now so we didn't find anything. I think I told you that last time we looked we found things she had been planning to steal. Her little modus operandi is to tuck things away and wait until Mom notices their missing, then suddenly they pop back out. If enough time passes without her mentioning them, then the coast is clear, and off they go to her house.
I could tell that she had rearranged some of the silver since we'd last looked. Things had jumped around from one drawer to another. I don't know if this is because she's putting things back or what, but as I looked at all of Mom's silver it was very clear that Rosa has been helping herself.
We had a ton of sterling flatware. Mom used to have enough for great big catered sit down dinner parties. Then when my grandmother died Mom got all of her parent's silver as well. We all have the same pattern, Reed and Barton Francis the First, (here it is on eBay so you can see what it looks like and what it's going for), so we can mix and match and share. All my life my Mom has been taking out her silver and china and crystal and saying, "You are all I've got dear. This will all be yours someday." If I asked her for any of it now she would give it to me, but I don't really have anywhere to put it. I'm hardly entertaining at that level, not with all my pee spray kitties anyway, and I worry that if I had it here it could be stolen. I always thought it was safer with Mom. Although it doesn't seem to phase Mom that our whole family's silver collection has dwindled down to nothing. She is so dependent on this awful scheming woman that when I proved to her that a lot of it was missing, she instantly said, it could have been any of the women who've worked here. I know these women and the only one in the last fifteen years who was capable of something like this is the one person whose own family members, people who have been to her apartment, have told me that she has been stealing silver. Argh!
I ran around doing errandy things again today so I'm tired but I feel accomplished. I bought plastic storage boxes at Bed Bath and Beyond. I bought a tape recorder and a little ear piece that sucks on to the phone so I can record any more phone conversations I have with people who have things to tell me about Rosa. Beau is here playing his clarinet and I can't listen to music and think at the same time, so I can't concentrate...
I can hear my little rat Pinky wheezing so I have to give him his antibiotics, and I still have to give all of the kittens theirs, and I have to bottle feed two of them, before I can lay down and crash. I canceled on Scott tonight because I was just too tired to get together with him.
If I don't take a pain pill tonight I will have weaned myself off of them. God, I am so easily addicted to things. It is such a drag to be like this, hyper attuned and sensitive, and looking to tune it all out. Without the familiar comfort of sugars and fats it would be super easy for me to turn to other things. I have to be careful. Luckily for me, and not so luckily for certain super addicted friends, I can't smoke pot, so there isn't much chance of my becoming addicted to that. Pot, weed, whatever, makes every ache and pain in my battered body scream out for my attention. It also makes me feel like I have the flu. Not the chuckle fest that it used to be in high school, nor the chill out and relax from life antidote that my dearest friend craves.
Night everyone -- Jac -- XOXOXO
Thanks to kinkedriotfemme for the link.