Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

LJ Sadnesses, Weight Gain, Sob, Sob, the Moon, Cat Birthing and My Long Lost Period, My Ebay Listing, Animal Crossing, and a Damned Fine Recipe for Zucchini Pizza from Julie.

Hmmmm, what can the metaphor Jacqui is trying to share with us be? I wonder.

God, this has been a hard last few days here on LJ. Skirmishes have broken out on my journal over issues that are very dear to my heart, to the core of who I am really, people unfriended me for various reasons, (which is something that makes me sad, but that I completely understand, because I don't have the capacity to keep up with people in the way they deserve and that I would like to, but it just kills me nevertheless, because I feel like I'm losing the chance to love and be loved by some wonderful people I will otherwise lose contact with), certain other people came over here and used my journal to vent their pain and attack people I love dearly, then bonded with the people here who were doing most of the fighting, what a fucking mess. I wound up having to ban people and delete a few posts. I've hardly ever had to do that, not more than once or twice in all the years I've been on Live Journal. Stop it, okay? Sheesh.

Then there are the two-point-eight pounds I gained. I actually GAINED 2.8 LBS! What is up with that? I eat like a friggin' humming bird now, well, except for the few bites of a burrito that I had, but they were so tiny and I spit out the tortilla parts. I'm wondering if all of this weirdness, the weight gain, water retention, hurt, and communication trouble has anything to do with the full moon. Irma is convinced that our last accidentally impregnated kitty will have her kittens tonight. We should have made a bet on it, that would have been fun.

I thought the moon was motherly and loving, or is it the earth, and the other way around? God, I don't know I can't even think straight tonight. I just want to go to my soft cozy bed, curl up with my son and my cats, and play Animal Crossing because it's just so simple and sweet. I actually bought a memory card from a nice woman on eBay who is going to fill it up with one hundred of whatever items we pick. Isn't that great? And she was only going to get paid twenty dollars for this, which if you've played Animal Crossing is way too little for the amount of work this will take so I sent her forty and feel better about that.

On the plus side we've placed five, or is it six, of our wonderful but accidentally conceived kittens in really good homes, and I'm taking two or three more to be adopted out tomorrow. This is heart wrenching for all of us because we watch over their Mother's growing bellies, we help them be born, in some cases removing the placenta and performing kitten CPR, we hand feed and medicate the sick and rejected ones, grieve over the ones we lose and fall in love with the ones who thrive and turn into big soft happy balls of fur love. You wind up thinking no one is good enough to take them from you, well, except for Susan/Magicwoman and she lives so far away and wants someone who is black and white and may be the reincarnation of her beloved little cat who passed on.

A super nice Aussie carpenter man, the husband of the daughter of one of my Mother's best friends in all the world, came over yesterday and is going to start fixing up all of the things that are falling apart around here. He sure did an amazing job in my dreams last night, wow, built me a whole new house with so many extra rooms and little storage nooks, it was amazing, seriously, my dream house, ha ha.

Esther and Irma were both working here with me today. We went through my clothes and actually found something that would fit to wear to the funeral tomorrow. I want something that is respectful and sedate for Aunt Lucy and something that makes me look thin so my ex can look at me and think, "Wow, look what I gave up, stupid me." Petty, sad, and pathetic of me, I know, but I think it must be a pretty common feeling among broken couples. I'm actually dreading going to this funeral, but going to it is the right thing to do by everyone.

I listed my first item on eBay so far but it hasn't gotten any bids and I don't think I did too terrific of a job listing it. But hey, at least it's a start. I might take it down and tweek it a bit, I just can't come up with the right title for it, or even the right category to put it in. You can find it by looking under my seller's name which is jacquiscloset, that is if you're interested. Oh screw it here's the link. I also have to sell my Burning Man tickets before it's too late. I need to cancel the motor home reservation : ( I need to get some exercise somewhere where mosquitos won't bite me and I need to get some sleep.

Check out this recipe from the lovely shrinking Julie AKA Julesgone here on Live Journal. I want to try it out, but I get just a little queazed on the eggs and cheese but then again the idea of a pizza crust made without flour is kind of exciting, yum.

Tonight's dinner: Zucchini Pizza. First you make the crust...

Zucchini Pizza Crust

4 cups grated zucchini
2 eggs (or egg substitute), slightly beaten
1 cup grated Cheddar cheese
1 cup grated mozzarella cheese

Squeeze out excess moisture from the zucchini. Combine all ingredients. Press into a 15 x 10-inch greased jellyroll pan. Bake 10 minutes at 400 degrees F. Add your favorite pizza sauce and toppings. Bake 30 minutes more at 400 degrees F.

I'm going to top it with green tomato slices, a few slices of red tomato (there weren't very many ripe ones in the garden today), marinara sauce, and cheese. And probably add in salami slices here and there for Mike.

Love you guys, I really truly do, even though I seriously suck at keeping up with all of you, but always intend to improve on this
Your pal Jacqui

PS: Hey, maybe by tomorrow we'll have some new little kitty lives to love around here. Depends on the moon I guess, lol.

PPS: Here's a post I put in the WLS community today.

Hi Gang,

Okay so yesterday I was chipper and now today I need just a smidge of advice and/or encouragement. My weight loss has slowed considerably and being a picky vegetarian there are so few foods that I can comfortably eat so I've been relying on things that I know are not too terrific, wheat thins and spreadable processed cheese being one of my staples, are you recoiling in horror? I suck on oranges or kind of sort of eat them as a desert but not more than one or two a day. And I'm certainly not eating any of the many things I loved before. Also I do drink with my meals so those are three adive/rules I'm breaking right there, fat, carbs and liquids with meals, blah.

Anyway the weight was coming steadily off and that was so exciting and of course I'm still thrilled and excited but at 238.8 today having gone up three pounds in the last few days I'm just a wee bit freaked. Plateaus where we get stuck and eventually break through I understand but gaining? Now that's scary. I feel like I'm eating like a bird. I took a good long walk last night, longer than I could ever walk before, and of course the farging mosquitos got me. The day before that I took not one but TWO long walks. I'm drinking plenty of water, definitely having trouble with the protein though, and I'm consuming vitamins.

I had just convinced myself that the beauty, (beauty part eh ; ) of this was that being unable to eat hardly anything at all meant that at the most I would have to suffer the ignominy of staying stuck at one big number for way too long before it continues it's long lovely slide. My boyfriend, (Please come listen to the song he wrote for me, he put it up on his journal, he's been feeling so defeated by the music industry, and he could really use some loving feedback), is saying that I need to improve the quality of food I eat and not to worry. And my instinct is saying, 'Sheesh Jacqui, big farging deal, just yesterday you were cheering up people who had hit plateaus, now it's your turn, listen to your own advice." But it's the 2.8 LB gain that's freaking me out, that on top of this plateau, bla.

I hesitate to tell you guys about this because it feels like such a cop out, it's bad to do, addictive and illegal, but I have been occasionally taking pain pills, and Valium. I took the pain pills that were left over from my operation, to deal with a headache and a backache and liked the way I felt so much, completely spaced out, that I started taking one every night for a few weeks. Then when I realized I had developed a mini-dependence I started taking Valium to get off the pain pills. Now I'm off the Vicodin and I've tapered the Valium down and will continue until I'm not taking any of that. But I've been wondering, or thinking actually, that my little prescription drug habit might be slowing down my metabolism. I'm sharing this with you because I want to be completely honest, this is a wonderful ride, but it's a challenging one and since food has been my primary coping mechanism for a long time it seems kind of natural to me that other addictive behaviors that would help a person calm down and numb out might crop up. I'm trying to keep and eye on this. I read in Carnie's book, either the first or second, that she was smoking a lot of pot to just deal with all of these changes and the upheaval, so I know I'm not alone in this.

Okay well, I'm just gonna make sure I don't eat after a certain hour, (but what hour should that be, and do any of you do that?), try to up the water, (I've been drinking watered down juice too much instead), and the protein, (no clue how to do that, I'm not supposed to have nuts but I eat them anyway and chew them really well, protein bars are so sweet and get boring pretty quickly, I'm not an egg kind gal, so that leaves fatty cheese and soy products), keep up the exercising, hope that my long lost period will make another rare appearance with this full moon, (water retention anyone?), and stop taking any kind of pills that will slow down my metabolism.

All my love, hope, and best wishes to all of you wherever you are in this process,

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