Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Busyness and Feeling 9/11 All Over Again On the Eve of the Second Anniversary

Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try you just never seem to get enough done? Today was one of those kinds of days. But I did walk on my treadmill, yeay me, and I went through some boxes, and sorted things in my office and paid a few bills. I had fun with Irma and Esther and I think, cross my fingers, that I've persuaded my child to bathe his body, we'll see. Oh yes! I hear the bath water.

I put up some lights in my office that I love. They're little paper lanterns with swirling pink, red, and orange blossoms on two of the sets, and the other two are cherry blossoms on a light blue background. They're really cute and they cheer me up. But I worry about having all of this electricity going on around me, I just don't think it's healthy for us.

I should work on my little collage playing card project tonight but I'm procrastinating as usual. Instead I think I'll watch TV and sort my rubber stamp boxes. Maybe I'll knit a bit.

I'm watching 60 Minutes and they're telling the story of what went down behind the scenes with the President and Vice President in the early moments of the attacks on September 11. It's very real time and they're showing footage of the towers being hit by the planes. They're also showing footage I've never seen before. Oh God, I have chills, I didn't realize this would affect me in the same way it has before. I finally had to ban all my collected images and DVD's and books and articles about these events, put them far away from myself, because I was obsessing over it all so badly and having strange PTS reactions. It amazes me how the showing of these images, the discussion of these events, continues to have so much power over my feelings. I feel sick and I have chills up and down my arms. And this was just meant to be a friendly little, sign off for the evening, post.

To make matters worse, someone was just swearing and screaming in the street, I think at my neighbor Karen, and then he peeled out in his car, scaring Beau who came running in panicked about it, telling me we should lock our bedroom doors. I'm so glad he comes to me and that I am always able to be there for him, to be the person who helps make him feel safe.

I called my neighbor to make sure she's okay, and then a helicopter flew low over our house, shaking the walls and windows as it went. Well, that's enough for me, I'm going to check out for a bit with some yarn and a pile o' cats. The dogs have already gone to bed in their little doggy beds.

Loving all of you so much tonight,


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