Well, I finally finished my little art card collage and I'm kind of panicked and insecure about it. I used my own scanner and printer rather than using found imagery, like I always used to do when I made my collages, or color copying my cards at Kinkos and then cutting those out and working with them. I'm disappointed that you can't see how cute the cat in the innertube is and how cute the kitties with the parasol are. They totally washed out with the glue, blah.
I've become so used to using my baby version of Photoshop and Paintshop Pro and a few other programs that I've really fallen out of the habit of cut and paste. Well, at least I made something and I'll get it out in time but I'm such a perfectionist and I wanted it to be soooo good. I have gazillions of images to work with, boxes and boxes of paper goods I've been cutting and saving for ages, and tons of vintage postcards, photographs, labels and tobacco cards. I'm concerned this will continue to fade out and won't look good when Tracy tries to color copy it.
This is such typical art angst and art fraud stuff for me. I used to go to this amazing program called A.R.T.S., (Artists Recovering Through the Twelve Steps), for these kinds of things. It was such a healing program and I found so many like minded people there -- in fact that's how I met Scott. It amazes me how seriously gifted people can be so insecure and hard on themselves. Major actors, artists, and musicians are constantly saying they feel like frauds, like they'll be discovered any minute for being the no talent undeserving hacks they are.
Wynona Judd said something just like this today on The Sharon Osbourne Show, (which by the way was a kick and I loved it), that she didn't feel she deserved her success. I wrote the quote down but I am just too worn out to go get it, but it was along the lines of saying that despite her success, (and that knock out voice, man, I was never a fan of hers before and wasn't too excited about her being a guest, but after hearing her sing I was certainly converted,) she's still this little girl from Kentucky with a guitar, who is desperately looking for love and feeling like she will never fit in. I can't tell you how many times I have heard people whose work I so very much admired say things like this. It makes me wonder what comes first, the wounding that makes the artist more sensitive and thus better able to channel and express feeling through art, or is it that certain people are born gifted and along with these gifts comes exquisite sensitivity which is what contributes to the hurting and the insecurity? Whatever it is I know that people don't always respond kindly to it. True vulnerability or neediness of any kind scares certain people. But hey screw them, I'd rather be, or hang out with, a sensitive, feelingful, insecure artist, than a snappy, totally-together perfect person any day.
Sharon was adorable. She has the best style sense. I love her jewelry and her clothes. She said she was fifty and OMG if I can look anything like she does at fifty I will bless the stars. She's also so down to earth. I worry that her handlers and producers are trying to polish this off her when this is precisely what people love about her. She didn't feel comfortable in a necklace she was wearing so she started fussing with it and tugging on it and eventually a helper guy had to come on set and help her out of it. Then she figured that as long as he was taking that, she might as well take her cute but uncomfortable, spiky-heeled boots off as well, which was just adorable of her.
Then still later, after Wynona, (Whynona not Winona as she corrected poor Sharon with her lovely accent), sang a particularly moving song, Sharon started to cry, so she announced that she was going to have to peel off her false eyelashes and did that as well, which was totally endearing and folksy. But then later when they came back from a break it was all back on, the necklace, which was this gorgeous black beaded loopy thing ending in a big pretty flower, the eyelashes and the shoes. I so hope that was some kind of editing thing, a segment she had shot earlier and that they didn't make her get dressed up again off stage.
I just love the way she tucks up her legs underneath her sometimes when she sits on the sofa, acts so natural, lets it all hang out in such a pretty way, and swears as well. She just seems like the ultimate Mom-gal-pal. And as if I haven't raved enough, I love how she loves her man and her family. She described Ozzie as being delicate and makes it sound so loving and compassionate. I just so dug that, that she understands and accepts him. Wynona said to her at one point, "I love to see a hard woman be soft." I wish I could find my list of quotes from the show to share with you because there were some great ones, maybe I'll come back and edit them in tomorrow. I do remember when Wynona commented on how amazing the set looked that Sharon said, "Oh I just brought it all over from my house. These rugs are all pissed and pooped on by my dogs." Loved that!
I hope it turns out to be the biggest hit for her. We were in the audience for the shows that air tomorrow and the next day. It'll be fun to see the finished show -- to see how they cut it together. Beau wants to stay home and watch it with us but we're going to tape it for him.
Oh and I can't remember if I told you that Beau's friend Brandon, who is a seriously gorgeous kid, (we're talking model gorgeous here), left New Roads and moved to another school, that I won't name out of respect for these poor kids privacy, but yesterday when he was over here playing with Beau, he was telling us about how excited he was to meet Ashton Kutcher. I was reminded of this because the cover of the Emmy thing on AOL has a big picture of him splashed across the front of it. It turns out that Demi Moore and Bruce Willis' kids go to school with Brandon, and Scout has a crush on him and has been flirting with him, sitting next to him, passing him notes, that kind of thing.
He said that he met Demi and Ashton and they were nice. I asked him if he really thought they were a couple and he said they were holding hands when they were walking up the stairs and that he was the only person there to see that so if it was just a publicity stunt they wouldn't have been doing that. So that puts that question to rest for me. I wish Scout Willis had a crush on Beau, sheesh. Did you see that yacht their father rented to take them for a little end of the summer cruise in the Mediterranean? Wow that's a life : )
I'm so wiped out and all I want to do is get some sleep. I didn't sleep well last night at all. I think I woke up every hour and a half. Plus I need to make sure Beau is tucked in and I still have to give medicine to Pinky rat and hand feed one of the baby cats and give him his eye drops.
Next stop, yard box sorting, then massive eBay listing.
Goodnight Everyone -- Jacqui -- XOXOXO
Here is a shot of our cow Bessie, (the one I told you about yesterday), with her big green lampshade hat.
And here are the dumpsters I've been telling you about. Someone is picking through it as I'm writing this. it's so much fun to see what they take. I actually lugged those legs home one day from a swap meet somewhere, nothing else, just some male mannequins legs. I don't even remember what I thought I was going to do with them.