Esther teased me about smiling for these pictures because she knew how rotten I felt. I think it's the actor in me that always smiles for a photo. I have pictures of myself when I had got chicken pox in my twenties, my face is covered with horrible sores and I'm smiling away.
Wow! I had a really bad allergic reaction today after taking my morning pills and vitamins. This is only the second time this has happened. It happened for the first time just a few days ago and just like this time it happened right after I took my pills and vitamins. I can't figure out what I've done differently from all the other mornings of my life. The only things I've added are Tylenol, Prelief and Restasis, and eye medication that is supposed to help with the pain of having dry eyes.
Isn't this just the weirdest thing? I have this habit of going into immediate denial whenever I'm in pain or something happens where I kind of dissociate and imagine I'm just making everything up. I must have learned to do this as a child.
I called both of my doctors and my pharmacist and everyone is mystified. The pharmacist was no help at all. My surgeon's wonderful nurse, who I adore, told me to quickly take a Benadryl but I so didn't want to take one because with so much to do I didn't think I could afford to crash the way I do when I take them but I took her advice, took one, tried to write, tried to do a few things and then just crashed and fell asleep for a few hours.
It's always been hard for me to show images of myself here and I think it's funny that I wait until I look really bad to finally show you more of my body than I've ever been able to before.
It's really scary when it happens; first my face flushes and then I start to feel fevery, my heart speeds up and then I feel weak, hot and dizzy. My face feels like it's on fire, like I suddenly caught a bad case of sunburn. Then the reaction spreads to my chest, back, knees, all along my legs, and the sides of my face, where I break out in bright red splotches and hives that itch and burn.
These are my thighs, aren't they pretty?
I felt so awful I had to abandon this art project for Esther that I had sworn I wouldn't take on, and go lay down in my room for a while. We took pictures so I could show them to my doctors so they wouldn't think I was being weird or crazy or making this up -- something that they would of course never do. It's just that for some reason I'm always worried someone will think I'm being a baby or a lying hypochondriac. Maybe I'll post the pictures if I can find the time and feel brave enough to do it.
And here's my wrist, it itched and burned so badly. You can really tell how much weight I've lost by how loose my watch is, I really have to make the time to get it fitted.
I felt so weak, sick, dizzy, spacey and tired, but the Benadryl helped. Now the rash has gone away but I still itch, I'm exhausted, and I'm worried about how I will prevent this tomorrow. I've been all over the net looking up Restasis, which is called cyclosporine, and I discovered that an allergic reaction to this can build up over time which would account for why I was able to take it for seven days but then suddenly had this happen. It doesn't account for why it would happen one day and then not for the next three days and then suddenly happen again today. All I can do is eliminate things and see how I react, blah. And just when I'm needed more than ever to get this place whipped up into pretty shape for the TV taping on Saturday. I'll go to sleep as soon as I finish posting this. I did edit and upload the pics after all.
I'm having to delegate things to other people in order to get all of this done. I called my Mom and asked her to buy a bunch of fruit for us. I figured this would be easy for her and would save me some time and money. I wanted her to feel involved, like she was contributing in some way, and one of the things she loves to do for us is to bring over fruit and vegetables to make sure we're getting enough. Sweet hunh? Anyway that saves me one errand and some money right there. Esther will let me pay her for her extra days next month. We're going to look for flowers to pick, or as my new friend Lori said, become "midnight gardeners" but I'll try to do this in as karmically decent a way as possible.
There's a terrific store near my house, Grace Home Furnishings, that is going to let me take out any accessories I want, "on memo," yeay, and this makes me feel like a real life interior designer. How fun is that, that they're willing to just loan me these three hundred dollars pieces that I can't afford to buy, and wouldn't need or want to keep around after the shoot anyway.
I was also worrying about feeding everyone and being a good hostess but Beth, the terrific gal who has been coordinating everything, (I don't know what her title is), said that they would be providing their own craft services and that whatever food they bring or have, esp. the lunch, will be for everyone who is here and not just the crew. Great!
I have so much left to do. We couldn't find any of my big red pillows that we take out and put in the family room when we have company and then finally I remembered that I had left them at the dry cleaners. I still have to pick up the sweater that Atra made for me, that Jen crocheted (sp?) a new neck for, and figure out what I'm going to wear. I need to get Beau's hair and my bangs cut. We have to go to storage and pick up some of my cute little Oriental knick knacks to put in our display cabinets. I have to get all of my china and silver out and put that in the green cabinet in the dining room. I need to set the table, pick up silver from Mom's house, get some flowers, clean out the animal med cabinet so it won't look funky for the shoot, take all the magnets off of the hood over the stove and clean that, bring out my kitchen art and little cows, add more forties/fifties tablecloths to the shelves in the kitchen, clean out the pantry because they want to shoot the squeaky screen door, find some money to buy a hen because they want to shoot a hen walking around in the kitchen,
Okay my friends, thanks as always for reading and caring. I love you all so very much and hope to be able to catch up with you when I can take a breath and sit her leisurely and visit with your wonderful journals. In the meantime I hope you're all well and that my pretty picture here won't freak you out too badly. For me it's all about documentation, real life, and sharing all.