Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

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I'm in my office typing to you. One of the ferrets is running around on the floor. He's the least naughty so I let him out to play. The other two steal everything and drag it to the corners to hide in piles under furniture, so I take them to my room for exercise and freedom. This new little guy is starting to turn bitey though. He's more aggressive than he used to be.

I want to go to the Exotic Erotic Halloween ball in San Francisco. I've been wanting to go for years, but money is tight and Scott doesn't want to go and has plans. Plus it's our old housekeeper's (the nice sweet one before Coco) party for her little sister and she really wants us to come. It's a quincenera, a fifteenth birthday party, which is a huge big deal in the Latin community. They are having a mass at three and a dinner at five and then dancing at seven. It sounds like fun and I love to see those big huge skirted dresses the girls wear. But again I don't want to go to that without a date. Grrr, Scott. He always has plans on the weekends now and is too tired to come over for any length of time during the week. I feel like I hardly see him. To be fair though I haven't been wanting to go to his house and want him to come my way instead.

My little sun conure died yesterday or the night before. Esther (my assistant/housekeepr/pal) found him. I can't bear to look at him. I was just posting about him yesterday. I was thinking that I should give him away because I can't have him in the office anymore and I don't see him very much in Esther's room. I was thinking that I should find him a better home before something happens to him and I feel crappy forever about it. Oh well. I don't know what happened. He had plenty of food and water. It wasn't cold. But I hadn't seen him for a while so he might have been sneezing and I wouldn't have noticed so I blame myself. I'm sad, but not that sad, I'm more angry right now, angry at myself for being so selfish and having to have more animals than I can care for.

I am going to go see/hear Scott play at a concert in a park. I haven't heard his mandolin player yet so that'll be nice. I wanted to take Beau and Esther, and afterwards go to see the cow at the pumpkin patch, but Beau is being bratty and won't go unless he can bring his friend Joseph. I don't want to take another person. It's just so much harder when Joe comes, well, oh, I don't know. It's just that he's older than Beau and gets bored and I just wanted it to be us, so we could do whatever we wanted and not have to worry about what time we come home. I also wanted to go take a walk around the lake.

I think I may just go by myself and hope Scott will want to go see the cow with me. That's hard for me though because I want him to have empathy for his plight, and how can he, when he's part of the chain that calls for his death. If only I had some land, I would buy him so they wouldn't kill him when they're through with lugging him around to petting zoos. I want to go see him though, and feed him a little pumpkin, make one of his days a little happier. I just don't get how people can be so fucking detached and insensitive as to eat cows and not get that they are killing these beautiful peaceful sweet grass eating creatures. I think I'd understand it more if people ate lions.

I've been avoiding drinking Coke. Now everything tastes too salty to me. How weird. The burrito I was going to eat for lunch tasted weird so I couldn't eat it. Then I wanted to eat some of this gelato but it tastes too salty. I'm sure this must have something to do with the Coke. I know it has salt in it but I don't understand how, salt makes the bubbles? My bladder hurts so much lately and I had to do something. Also they are super high in calories so maybe I can lose a quarter pound or something, heh. I'm addicted to caffeine so I knew I'd be getting headaches. I think there's some kind of twenty-one day rule about addiction though. Or is that twenty-one days to break a habit? I know I felt a little better when, after Robby split, I made it to twenty-one days without calling him or having any kind of contact. God that was hard. My heart so goes out to people whose partners just up and leave them. It's so painful to be with someone every day and night and then have them just disappear. screw them, selfish jerks, I think I'll go be mean to my puppet.


I've decided that I'm going to post my dreams separately and let you know they're dreams so you can skip those posts if you want.

Love you guys, sorry I'm so blue sometimes, it isn't always like this,

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