The weather was so strange today -- weird, hazy, cloudy weather. Truffaut's Day for Night kind of weather.
The cats kept me up all night and then when I finally fell asleep early in the morning Beau woke me up. I had really strange dreams. I love my dreams, they're always so entertaining and engaging, well, to me anyway. Here come the italics so you can skip over the dream if you like.
I have bought a big house in Bel Air. It's on the corner of the street where my first boyfriend lived but then sometimes it switches locations to a street in Brentwood where the church where I was confirmed and Beau was baptized. It is huge, wonderful, scary and haunted.
We keep our computers outdoors across the street in the parking lot of the Synagogue and this doesn't seem that weird to me, that I would just leave three computers and everything that we would have on our desks outside and unprotected. WI start wondering why we are keeping our computers outside where they are vulnerable. I cross Sunset to work on my computer. For some reason the monitor keeps getting crooked and is askew.
I cross back to my great big rambling old gothic style house which is now in the place where St. Martin's used to be. It is totally haunted and I have dreamt about this house before. Beau's room is at the end of a long hallway but I want it to be closer to my own. I don't like him being so far away with all the weirdness and the spookiness that is going on in this house. I also don't want him to know about the ghosts. I don't want him to be frightened.
I keep discovering new rooms in this house. It's so big there are whole areas we don't even use. Areas that have kind of fallen apart and been abandoned to the elements with great big holes and openings in the walls.
Knowing that we have so many extra rooms and are only really using up just a few of them for our bedrooms, the kitchen, and living areas, I get the idea of bringing the computer desks and computers back and dedicating a room for their use. I am really excited about this. I'm wondering why I didn't do this before.
Friends are coming over, parents and their children. We're having a party of some kind. I find two or three new rooms on the ground floor, rooms that haven't been used since the late eighteen hundreds. They are schoolrooms of a kind, but everything in them looks as if it's no more than five or six years old. All of the kids papers and things are dated from so long ago and yet they aren't yellowed.
Someone who is here with me is reading a little get well card that some child had written to one of the children who had lived here before us. It says something like, "Please get better soon and don't be afraid of those ghosts. Think of cheering thoughts, think about the luna moth," and just then this incredibly beautiful and super big moth/butterfly flies towards me. I am a little afraid because it is so big and seems to have sprung up out of nowhere, but I put out my hand anyway and it lands on me. It seems like a miracle, something so extraordinarily beautiful and delicate despite it's giant size.
I take it outside to release it just as Will Smith and Jada Pinket show up. Their daughter is playing with us. I want to tell them about the ghosts but they don't want me to talk about this in front of the kids.
We walk around the room and I show them things. There are amazing old toys here. Some of them are kind of spooky. There are puppets with carved wooden heads that are hung up high from old wooden school chairs that have been put up on top of the desks. Their faces look down on us in a kind of leering way and scare me. Just then a toy band strikes up and we are all amazed at this. I keep thinking about how fortunate I am to have somehow come into all of this and how I am going to be okay financially.
I wind up in the back yard and am with some adult friends who are trying to help me figure out how to repair this enormous, falling-to-pieces estate when I don't really have any money to do it with. We talk about planting a few small crops, berries, fruit and things and this excites me. There is also a feeling of family and camaraderie that I crave and have with this small group of people. The women are offering to help me plant crops and this makes me so happy.
I go back inside the house and the dream becomes this frightening, garish, fun house, hodge podge of weirdness. However, I am aware that I am for the most part in control of the dream so I am not as terrified as I would be if I found myself in these circumstances in real life. I am trying to find my way back to my family, to the kitchen, or to some means of escape but there are all kinds of dangerous obstacles. There are enormous floating plastic rolly polly clowns who are firing rings at me and giant multicolored monsters who totter towards me -- things with whipping tails and grabbing hands. I am tiny and delicate compared to all of these mechanical fun house toys gone mad. They seem menacing and diabolical, all bent on harming me.
Later things kind of turn about and I am here with family, most of who are older than me and more in charge of things. It's suddenly an older time where I must respect my elders and do as they say. They are in the kitchen cooking for a big party we are about to have. Just being around them, being a part of this brings me comfort.
Then there is a complicated elaborate sexual part of the dream that I just don't feel comfortable sharing out of respect for anyone reading my journal who has ever been raped.
Later I am back outside again in the big back yard only now I am with my old fashioned and kind of weirdly hickish family. There is a big barn back here and it is sooo cool with great big wide open barn doors. It is filled with old chippy painted antique pieces. There is a beautiful blue armoire that I like. My parents are renting this to some farmer who has a business here. I am intent on persuading my parents to let me run a business out here instead of him. Then I am trying to talk my mother and father, who don't in any way resemble my real life parents, and for whom I don't feel any normal sense of kinship, into creating a kind of polyamory religious cult thing where we can all have sex together and create babies with giant penises and call each other sister wives.
Don't ask me, I just dream them.
Irma had a really rough day today. Her partner, the father of three of her children, the mean lazy alcoholic who was sent back to El Salvador to dry out, had been calling her incessantly and got her so upset she got a migraine and threw up. I feel so bad for her and wish I could do more to help. I bought green beans for her son George to take with him to his Thanksgiving feast at school today, Neosporin for little Jacqui's burned face, and gave them my free turkey. Did I mention this to you before? I'm have a kind of deja-vu (sp?) moment here.
Tomorrow four of our teenager boy cats will get neutered. I always get panicky and worried before any of my animal friends are operated on. I was at the vets with five cats tonight and we were there forever. Irma's daughter Monica came with me. Coco, our brown Burmese kitty friend, one of my oldest and favorite cats, is still in the hospital. He can't keep any weight on and they are thinking it has something to do with his liver or his bile duct. Blah.
We're going to leave for Palm Springs either tomorrow night or Wednesday morning. I'd love to leave tomorrow night because I hate traffic. I thought we wouldn't go to Palm Springs this year for Thanksgiving, Scott and I so want to have a happier, richer Thanksgiving experience but haven't managed to create it for ourselves. Something happier than the kind of cold lonely Thanksgiving we put together with Mom and Rosa.
I've tried for years to create any kind of fun tradition with my Mom. Something where we maybe say grace or go around in a circle and say all of the things we're grateful for but my Mom is a pragmatic and a cynic in many ways and will never go for this kind of thing. She's all about the food and not up to creating or serving it anymore. She really can't see that her housekeeper can't cook and that she is too elderly to organize things so thankfully she has agreed to go out to eat this year, phew. We're going to go to her club, the golf clubhouse for her home in the desert.
I am so backed up as usual. I caught a little cold thing and haven't been feeling too well and am just trying to sort of plug away at my giant to do list. I am so behind, hopelessly behind. I'll try to get caught up a bit tomorrow because right now I'm just going to make this one phone call I have to make and then I'm going to crash and try to get enough sleep to help my worn out body fight this cold. I might have to kick a few cats out of my room though because it's hard to sleep when they all pile on my head and then play chase back and forth over me when I'm trying to sleep. I'm hungry. How about you?
Did I tell you I saw Lara Flynn Boyle at Fred Segals? She was kind of squatting down looking through some packages so I didn't really get to assess her thinness. I'm curious about that because she's such a beautiful woman but has looked emaciated at times in photos. I also saw Maria Shriver parked in the red by my knit shop but I feel like I told you this as well, oh well.
Love you guys,