Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

I LOVE this postcard for some reason. I'm going to try to buy it, wish me luck.

Thank you everyone for writing. I just haven't had a free moment to get back to you my darlings. I will soon though.

My picture of Sticky Pinky is disabled because I forgot to pay Warped my measly little 18.00 fee. I rushed over to pay it and sent my apologies so hopefully you'll all be able to see my naked pink rat again soon : )

Mom has pneumonia and they want her to come in for another chest x-ray as soon as she beats it so they can make sure her lungs are clear. This is a wee bit scary considering she had lung cancer a year ago. Maybe her lungs are just more delicate and susceptible to bacteria and viruses, that would be the best case scenario.

Her doctor told her that he thinks she should see a psychiatrist because she is so anxious and unable to focus. He tested her for Alzheimer's or dementia and said that he doesn't think she has that but that she definitely needs to be seen for her scattered thinking.

I was with her at her doctor's and the radiologist's office for hours, with Rosa as well, ick, and when I left I walked right out into the shiny bright light of Beverly Hills holiday shopping. All the stores are decorated so beautifully and I rarely go to Beverly Hills, well at least not to the small stores. I'll go to Barneys and Saks or Neimans maybe once a year now if that. So there I was weary and stressed and the pretty stores were calling my name. What do you think I did? Yup, I went into a store and bought Michal Negrin earrings and two rhinestone necklaces, then I went to Gelson's and bought food and cakes. I bought a Marzipan cake shaped like a great big roly poly Santa for Atra's mother who won't be able to eat it but will like that it is Babe Noel as she calls him.

I can't face dealing with this darned Christmas card any longer but I have no choice but to soldier on. All I want to do is limp to bed, eat my little tiny dinner and lay down watching the TV. I don't want to cut out any more images of ornaments, flowers or Christmas garlands. Why are things like this so hard for me? I honestly don't get it. All I can think of is that I am brutally perfectionistic and hard on myself. Obviously this comes from my Mom who can be emotionally brutal to both herself and me. She's tough believe me.

Both Irma and Scott did really brave things today. Things I have been encouraging them to do for years and when it came right down to it, when they actually stood up to people, made the scary choices I had always wanted them to make, I got scared for them and didn't back them up entirely. I caught myself doing this with Scott and was able to encourage him to go ahead and make his stand but with Irma I wasn't as definitive in supporting her decision. I was empathic and supportive emotionally but I forgot that it took a lot for her to come to this place and that she might need me to be stronger and more, "You go girl!" with her. I'll make it up to her tomorrow.

If Beau's amp isn't her by midday tomorrow I'm going to have to go to West La Music and get him one. He also wants another CD Player Walkman thing. He didn't ask for anything this year until the very last second and then he asked for the things I was already surprising him with darn it. The Walkman I didn't know about and it would have been so easy to just order it on Amazon. I bought him a Palm Pilot but that hasn't arrived yet either so I'm going to have to write Palm Pilot on a piece of paper or print out a picture of it and put that in an envelope. Blah and blah again.

I hate all this running around, wrapping, sorting and decorating, and at the same time I love it. Love and hate always intertwined, always.

I think this person is the most unusual person I have ever run across on eBay.

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