Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Hi Everyone,

I hope you all had the sweetest and happiest of Valentines day. I went around buying last minute sweets and gidts; little squeeker toys and Greenie bones for my dogs and my friend's dog Grace, little cakes and pastries from the bakery for Mom, Irma and her kids, Beau and my neighbors Atra and her family. I bought red and white heart shaped candles for girlfriends and a pretty pastel mosaic tray and a box of Kama Sutra toys for Atra and Arta. I bought expensive soap and a coffee table book about cats for Mom. For Scott I put together a bag filled with soap and cream and things. I also bought us some fun Kama Sutra things, cherry almond love oil and sweet honey dust, but we were both feeling pretty rotten and barely hung out let alone got around to using it.

Scott brought me a rose, balloons and some sparkly rhinestone things for my hair and gave me lots of cards. He bought Yugio cards for Beau and gave him a cute card. Beau went to the pier with Irma and her family and Scott and I had a late dinner at La Moustache cafe in Westwood. I ate too much. I think I've been eating too much in general lately and am worrying about my weight loss, worried that I won't continue to lose and worse might gain back some of the weight I've lost.

I want to get myself out and exercising again. I want to drink more water and eat better. I've got a treadmill right here and I like using it but am not. I love lifting weights and strething but I'm not doing that either. I want to do yoga and Pilates and so much more but I think I just need to start simple and walk. There's just always so much to do and I know I need to simplify and prioritize but it's hard. I can't even remember who it was the other day who was using the oxygen masks in an airplane analogy to illustrate how I need to focus on my own health and self care first and then take care of Beau and so on from there... Oh I remember, it was his principal.

We've been interviewing prospective housekeeper/assistants to replace, sob, sob, Irma, and it's stressful. If you go back a couple of years in my journal, to around June of 2002, I was doing the same thing, interviewing women and freaking out. I got so stressed and anxious I had to get a prescription for Xanax. I remember getting so freaked out that my back went into spasms and I was in so much pain I had to lay down and put hot packs on my back. As I'm writing this to you the telephone is ringing and ringing. I'm letting the machine pick up the calls, I just can't handle it. But, I've noticed that I am handling all of this better than I was two years ago, no back freak outs yet, but my shoulders are burning, sigh.

I feel so responsible for everyone, these many, many desperate women who are calling all hours of the day and night begging for work. I want to help all of them and at the same time I want an organized love queen to come along and be our savior. We could have already hired any one of the many women we've seen so far, they're each one nicer than the last and I can't stand the interviewing process. I just want to pick one and get started. Irma's leaving so soon and I'm so sad and scared but I just keep trusting that everything is going to happen for the best.

You know what would be really great, if a great big time and money cloud would float over my house, open up and shower us with cash. Yep, that would be nice. That and a terrific health potion of some kind. Can anyone arrange this for me?

Love you guys,

PS: I haven't heard from the producer at the Sharon Osbourne show, argh, who promised to call me last week. I'll call her on Tuesday and let you know what she says. God there is just so much to do and losing Irma, my major source of support here, just simply sucks, but then again this is probably meant to be, I'll have less responsibility and won't be spending as much money since I won't have four extra kids here every day. Beau will be forced to focus on his school work more. Watch me trying to talk myself into making this a positive hopeful thing while I'm really kind of sad and depressed about it...

I dreamt that both Irma and I were cast in a play at The Fountain Theatre last night. My old friend Simon was directing and I was so so happy. The only thing that was wrong was that it was in a dangerous neighborhood with lots of gang guys shooting things up and trying to kill people.

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