Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Sex With Rush Limbaugh

Okay so try to picture this. You wake up after having had a really hot dream -- something about being an upscale housewife living in a big modern town home, you've just convinced your handsome but semi-dull businessman husband to have a three way with, not the woman next door, but her husband. This will take some arranging so in the meantime you and your attractive husband make love in your indoor lap pool. Don't ask me, I just dream these things. So you wake up and reach for your handy Hitachi Magic Wand, (if you don't know what I'm talking about here, you or your partner are seriously missing out, this "toy" is the favorite of savvy gals and guys \everywhere), turn it on and ummm, put it to use, only you realize that you are hearing more than that familiar humm, why it's Rush Limbaugh, favorite sexual auditory accompaniment of masturbating women everywhere, and the radio is just out of reach. I'd fallen asleep to George Noory and Coast to Coast and woken up to Rush Limbaugh. Hummmmm, hummmmm, "The government seized my medical records and plastered them all over the Internet," oh yeah, oh baby, oh, oh, "How many of you people think I was drug trafficking?" Hummmmmm, "How many of you people think I was money laundering?" Hummmm, hummmm, "Liberal media...George Bush gone AWOL..." Mmmmm, yeah, mmmmm, hummmm, "You don't understand, this is about the voters, we'll put our ideas up against their ideas any day...the liberal voters...because their ideas do not win and cannot win. Kerry is just trying to cover his butt. He's where he is because of the women he's married..." Oh, oh, oh yeah!!!!!! Kerpow!

I'm having my daily frozen blueberry and soy protein shake. Irma just came in singing. I'm so going to miss her pretty voice and the sweet songs she sings. Today's is, "Nadie se muere por un amor que no le conviene." Which translates to; No one dies from an inconvenient love. Tres interessante n'est pas? Considering everyone is panicking because she's picking up and leaving for love. I swear I think that if you listen carefully to people when they're whistling or singing a little tune you can hear the voice of their subconscious.

Oh crap the first woman I'm interviewing today has just arrived. I can tell because all of the little dogs are yapping, they're like geese, or geese are like dogs, I'm not sure which. We've got appointments every twenty minutes for the rest of the day and I haven't even gulped down my pills, dressed or brushed my hair. One of these days I'm going to have to take a bath or a shower, don't you think? Forget even trying to read snail mail, check the telephone messages, answer e-mail or make calls. Thank God I went to the market last night and sex, well, it's just no wonder I'm waking up dreaming about other men. Thas right my man, you'd better get your beautiful body over here tonight or it'll be Rush and me all over again tomorrow. I can handle Rush but I will have to draw the line at Dr. Laura.


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