Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

I haven't wanted to write, as if avoiding writing another entry would somehow make Sonia's passing away less real, as if my not moving on would mean that she hadn't.

It's felt disrespectful to write about my mundane daily doings while something so sad has happened and so many of Sonia's friends, family and loved ones are hurting, but then again death is a natural thing and can be a beautiful act in and of itself. I don't know if that will sound insane to you, especially when you are in pain over the loss of someone you love, but I think death in all it's tragedy and pain can be beautiful. I also believe in the old adage, The Good Die Young -- Note to Mary, be very, very bad, please I'd like you to stick around a long time.

I believe the act of dying itself can be a gift from the person who has left in that it can shake loose miracles in all of the people connected in any way with the person who has died. It's like this tremendously powerful drop of water in the pond of life and the ripples go on and on in concentric circles of feeling and change, moving ever outwards affecting the lives of so many people. It's the last thing that hurting people want to hear right after a loved one has passed away, but if you look at any death, you can find good that has come from it, changes that have been effected in people's lives because of the loss of this person. Life becomes more precious, time becomes more meaningful, people think and do things, good things, transformative things, loving things they might not have done otherwise.

I think we tend to get mixed up in our sadness in that we become sad for the person who has died, we see the tragedy in the cutting short of a beautiful, precious, shining light and feel sorry for our loved one. But the sadness should really be for the people who remain behind and won't have conscious contact with the person they have loved and lost. The person who has died is somewhere better. I'm sure of this. We live on, our energy, our memories, our souls live on, both here and beyond here.

I'm just certain that Sonia is somewhere so much more beautiful than this place and that she has reunited with the souls of people she has loved and lost, friends, family, pets, and that she can do whatever she likes and make her heaven whatever she wants it to be, as unique and rich, creative, warm and colorful as she is.

So I will move on, sadly but with a renewed passion for life and a greater awareness of how precious and limited our time here really is. I will see her again someday, we all will, and I know we are better people for having known her.

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