Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

I Haven't Been Getting Your Messages

I was just writing to a friend and it occurred to me that I should explain something and offer and apology to you. I think most of you know that I have been diagnosed with ADD. I am a textbook perfect prototypical example of the ADD patient. I am empathic, caring, kind, bright, creative, at times brilliant even, but I am also easily distracted, super forgetful, disorganized and unable to retain really basic pieces of information like people's names and phone numbers. It's hard enough being like this in real life, but here on Live Journal it gets really, really confusing and hard for me. I have a very hard time remembering people's names versus their journal names. I get thrown when people change their icons. I forget who I've spoken with, what we've discussed and when. Please forgive me for this, I truly don't do this on purpose, I want to get to know each and every one of you personally, be your pal and love you to the stars and back. Its just very, very hard for me to track with you, very hard. If you don't have this attention deficit, this whatever it is that makes me different from other people, you can't imagine what it's like. I'm sure it's easy to mistake my carelessness for a lack of caring when the opposite is really the case. I do care, a lot, I just have a hard time doing very basic things that other people might not find a challenging as I do. Things like opening the mail, checking my answering machine, answering my e-mail, or remembering appointments are very hard for me to do.

Anyway it's recently come to my attention that I never bothered to learn how to operate my cell phone, or at least the voice mail and text messaging part of it. I meant to ask Beau to teach me how to do this but kept getting by without knowing how to. When I finally got around to semi/sort of learning how to check my messages I discovered there were close to a hundred messages on there and I don't know how many more I've missed that have been deleted. These messages date back to November. I had forgotten that I had enabled the feature where people can text message me from Live Journal and AOL, and here I've been receiving your messages and not knowing how to retrieve them. So for anyone who was hurt in any way by this, please accept my sincerest apologies.

It gets so bad that all of my friends know to always leave their phone numbers on my answering machine when they call, no matter how long we've been friends, or how often we speak on the phone, because I may have lost them. People will call me several times before we have pans to get together to help me by reminding me. I even write notes to myself in pen on my legs and arms so I won't forget things. Like right now I need to call Annina back but I don't know where I put her number. If I don't write this down now by tomorrow it will be gone like a puff of smoke in the alien landscape that is my mind. It's super exotic and exciting in there, lots of color and fun, but some of the really basic functions, like the on off buttons on the remote control, are just missing for me, and frankly, it sucks. I'm getting better but it's always a challenge.

Sleep, I need sleeeeeeep.....

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