Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

I've been so aware of my dreams lately. I hope I'm not boring you, but they're important to me, they help me understand my deepest thoughts, the ones I don't always have conscious access too, so I need to record them to study them in order to gain a better understanding of myself. The other day I wrote out the longest dream and learned so much about myself from it, but I had to rush off and didn't have the time to spell check and post it so I didn't. I feel like I've left my history here incomplete in some way but I'm in a quandary over what to do about these dreams and the LJ cut, which I hate. Most of the time I try to remember that this is my journal, I'm doing this more for myself certainly than for anyone else, even though it's entertaining in a voyeuristic kind of way, and communal, interactive and friendly.

Oh shit something bad may have happened with or to my friends, the police came by my house at six this morning and then a friend came by afterwards wanting to talk to me but Anna didn't think it was a good idea to wake me, argh. I'm such a blabber mouth and way too open and unguarded about my own life so I'm not going to say anything more than this publicly because I need to protect their privacy. I have to make sure they're okay before I can focus and write any more here. I'm checking my phone messages while I write this, man I have a lot of messages to check.

Oh phew it was just this ongoing drama having to do with my stupidly repeating something I shouldn't have to the police (when they were here trying to bust the person who was trying to extort ten thousand dollars from me) and their having to investigate this because they are super serious when it comes to any allegations of bad behavior on the part of fellow officers, sigh. But six in the morning?

I had to stop writing and go out and do a few errands. Esther and Anna and I are going to cook dinner for Cinco de Mayo tomorrow and I'm going to take some of it to Atra and Arta's house tomorrow night. I'm excited about it and also a little overwhelmed because I started feeling weak, sick and shaky at the market and had to cut my shopping short and head home. It may be a little stomach flu bug that's been going around or it could be another reaction to medications. I'm taking different antibiotics now and I've been taking pain medication for my back and my hurting tooth but I won't take either of them tonight and I'll see what happens. I'm itchy and nauseous and I've been around people who have been barfing so who knows.

Oh and a great big enormous thank you to anyone who visualized my tenant's depositing the money he owed me on Monday. He did it and I was so happily surprised that he did. I was able to buy Esther's son Eduardo his computer which is a graduation present. I'm going to give it to him on Friday because he needs it so badly. He needs to I'm really grateful to you for this. I just know you helped. Every time I've asked for prayers/positive visualization here everything resolves for the best.

I am sickened, disheartened, and so angry about the torture of these Iraqi prisoners. I thought this kind of behavior was our government's excuse for going to war in the first place -- that we needed to take out the torturers, terrorists and despots. And Rumsfeld wants us to believe this is an isolated incident and wasn't in any sanctioned, that this kind of thing doesn't go on, on a regular basis, maybe not in Guantanamo maybe? I wonder what Amnesty International has to say about this. I'll go look at their website and see.

This just seems like confirmation of what I've suspected all along, that we're just as corrupt and evil as any other government, that while I dream of an America run by people like the fictional government of The West Wing the truth is that there is this whole secret shadowy thing going on -- away from the media spotlight a whole different set of rules seem to apply. Did you see that picture of that man standing on a box with a black hood over his head. He has wires coming off of both of his hands and he was told that if he stepped off of the box that he would be electrocuted.

Here's the dream I started this writing this entry about. I hope I can remember some of it.

There are these helper/housekeeper robots that people are buying. They are extremely realistic, like the robots in AI. When you first get them, or if they break down or malfunction in some way, you have to program them by using a series of words and touch commands. Their personality, age and sex are determined by this series of commands.

I am living with Beau and someone else in an apartment of some kind. There is a patio off of the master bedroom, kind of like the one I have in real life, but in a twisted darker sort of way, and I have put my housekeeper robot out there because I'm just not ready to deal with her. I can see her through the glass door and she's kind of desperately looking for work to do, she looks helpless, and driven. She's making work for herself, cleaning up the dust on the floor while wanting to come in from out of the sun. She looks sunburned and weather-beaten. I don't want to deal with her but she seems so desperate to come in, in this child like way and even though I know she's just a robot I feel sorry for her so I bring her in.

There was so much more here about these robots that I've forgotten through the course of living this day, darn it. I remember an Asian woman reprogramming her malfunctioning robot. She treated it tenderly, like a newborn baby, then a child. It responded to her simple soothing words and then developed quickly. I want to know these commands and be able to make my robot function properly, function to it's capacity but I haven't read the manual so I've just got this messed up, unhappy and possibly dangerous robot girl to deal with.

There are a group of women teasing a male robot. They take of his pants and are examining his cock, checking and measuring the size of it. I feel so sorry for him, I don't like that they are treating him like this, like he isn't real and this humiliation doesn't matter.

There is something about a mask that the robots wear. There was something about horses and there was something about guys and drugs. I think there were people smoking something really strong like opium, but I've forgotten most of it, oh well.

I have to lay down, I feel so crappy.

Love you guys,

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