Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Sick O' Spam, Pinky Rat & Pneumonia, & Neighborhood Stuff With a Light Smattering of Language Girls!

I think this is a moment for Sandy's, Old Nude Woman in White Shoes photograph.

I can't be the only one here who gets really tired of stuff like this cluttering up my in box every single day. I usually just delete them and I never open anything with anything attached, well, I usually don't open anything from someone I don't know.

What I want to know though is what the string of unrelated words that sometimes come attached to these is supposed to do. I've highlighted it so you can see what I mean. Anyone know why the spam monkeys do this?

Reply-To: k65hg@hotmail.com
From: "Shanty O. Eavesdropped" <j5g554@hotmail.com>
To: Jacquiscloset <jacquiscloset@aol.com>
Subject: RE:one newmessage from girlnextdoor awaits you Jacquiscloset

Hi there Jacquiscloset, If you are seeking cautious encounter with a sexy babe you have her.
I am searching boys, who is sweet, with a passion for a lady.
You are searching for a speacial time and know how to manage a sweet babe.
looking forward to seeing you

Girl Next Door
P.s I am just one of many beautiful ladies availble online now

boing joked brush alias walks shape sacks oscar ebony helps sound audit state
brood magma abyss gaily avail needs simon abuse novel weepy chose geese was

deliver all written request with a copy of this statement to:

Suite #186
4-1150 N. Terminal Ave.
Nanaim0, British C0lumbia
V9S 5L6

my email is jacquiscloset@aol.com just never distribute me another communication again.

items daffy using man leave an the bacon shelf close
maths broth digit sahib laser queer

broke boxer.

ought video piano glass thank medal was sweep cloak reset
grill hours tacit leave pinky brood

cases also.

What is the deal with this? And who writes these things for them? Come on now I don't for a minute think that one of our dear brothers or sisters in Canada came up with this poorly written ad. I think someone other than AOL, Starbucks, Adelphia Cable, Verizon, AT&T and every other corporate giant on the planet is farming their work out to India these days.

I swear I don't usually open these but I was talking on the phone with my Scottmon and I was distracted while I was opening my e-mail so I opened a few today. I got one from a long lost brother in Gambia, right, and another one from some guy who also wants me to open a bank account so he can deposit millions of dollars into it, what an incredible coincidence, two such wonderful and lucrative offers and on the same day. Man don't these guys ever give up?

Remember that great link I had here a long time ago to this investigative journalist or someone who on a lark had decided to play dumb and go along with these guys, just to see how long he could string them along for? I wish I still had that link.

I have to finish up this letter to my neighbors begging them to get up early on a Saturday and come out and pick up trash, weed, and plant with me, because tomorrow is "Beautification Day" in our neighborhood. At least I can include good news about the power outages. I spoke with our "overhead" supervisor and he said that due to all of the second story additions and remodeling going on in our neighborhood, that this caused an increased demand for power, so this plus the heat wave accounted for their not having anticipated an increased need for power which in turn cause three transformers to blow all around the same time. They've changed them out now and we might actually get to use our electricity when it gets hot without having to fumble around in the dark any more. Heh, I'm skeptical, so we'll see.

Oh man I have so much to do, things to buy for Beau and Mom for Mother's Day, flowers for friends, and I missed one of my best friend's birthdays which just sucks, it never ends. I did find a nice community for adults with ADD and ADHD here on LJ and it felt good to be able to go there and see all of these people posting things that are so similar to the kinds of things I go through. It helps me so much to know this is a condition that I didn't cause. It isn't my fault that the fontal lobes of my brain are understimulated while other parts of me are carrying more than their fair share of electrical impulses. It definitely takes away some of the shame and the whole moral element of this.

That's right, I'm not a freak because I'm lazy, I'm just a freak because my brain was malformed for some reason, (could it be because my birth mother starved herself during her pregnancy because she didn't want anyone to know?) and they should have given me an unlimited amount of time to take my SATs, damn those test giving bastards. Couldn't they spot a sensitive, intelligent, creative, but highly distracted ADD girl when they saw one?

I'm worried about my rat Pinky (we also have a rat named Sticky Pinky) because he's breathing hard again. He's pulled through pneumonia two or three times for us already and I just don't know if he's got it in him to go down and come back again. Plus I just can't afford another thousand dollar credit card hit either. I hate listening to him breathing like this.

Maybe I'll bring his cage into my dressing room with the possums. Poor little man, he's had lung problems since we first adopted him. I have him on Baytril and Vibramycin and eye drops. I wonder if it will be more or less stressful to move him. It's colder in here, in the office, because there is an air conditioning vent. Mmm hmm, that's it then, it's decided, he's coming to my little dressing room, my latest mini animal ICU. This will also allow me to take Sticky off the treadmill which will force me to stop making excuses about walking, yup, good plan all around. I even bought new running, (yeah, like I'm gonna run, have you seen my breasts, they'd hit me in the face), shoes and socks so I'm all set. A bottle of water, a little talk radio, the treadmill and me.

BTW I love rats and I think people who get this even a little bit are definitely on an elevated plane of existence. I am just sure that when I get to heaven someday, Jesus, Buddha, St. Peter, Rabbi Monkey, or John Lennon will say, "Hey, that was really cool of you to love all of my creatures, and try not to kill bugs, and be a vegetarian and all, but did you have to be so arrogant and superior about it and everything and stuff?"

Off I go to finish my letter and visit all of the neighbors, then it's off for some shopping, I think, or maybe I'll be too beat to go out by then. I have to meet Ron, the wonderful, who is coming by to drop off Eduardo's computer and slay some adware and cyber virus demons for us.

Anyone have any ideas on how I can beat this ravenous craving for Persian cream rolls and get back to losing instead of gaining weight? I just can't bear for all of the snipey, mean people who sat back with their arms folded and went, "Un hunh, give it time, she'll gain that weight back, they all do," to be right about this. I so want to prove them wrong, but I'm such a compulsive overeater, with all kinds of physical and psychological complications that get in my way.

The whole Just Do It, Nike philosophy has always seemed like such total bullshit to me, while to a normal person who doesn't have PCOS, (cysts on the ovaries, weird periods, acne, hairiness -- which thankfully I never got, your body's inability to use insulin properly, intense cravings for carby foods and weight gain, basically the fat bearded woman at the circus), Hashimoto's Syndrome, (low to no thyroid output) fibromyalgia, (constant pain), Interstitial Cystitis, (more constant pain and the need to pee all the time), exquisite, acute sensitivity, that we like to call depression, and ADD, it probably sounds reasonable. Just do it -- sheesh why didn't I think of that? Let's see, I risked my life to have doctor's open me up, cut me up, and rearrange my insides, I now have two stomachs and rerouted intestines, but I can't control my eating, I must not want this badly enough. I'll just have to use that ol' willpower of mine, the one that has served me so well in the past, not, to get me through this. Or as Cartman or someone on Southpark would say, "Fuck, Fuck, Fuckitty, Fuck, Fuck." Yep Sharon Osbourne definitely missed out on me; I swear with the best of them, when I'm feeling brave enough to just be myself here.

Grrrrreat that was Public Storage calling to tell me that I'm late on my rent for storage and that if I pay it before the tenth I won't get charged a fifteen percent late fee. My Mom's secretary was supposed to take care of that, I guess all of that money we drained out of my dwindling trust wasn't enough to take care of my own basic bills, weeee, like I said, it's always something.

boing joked brush alias walks shape sacks oscar ebony helps sound audit state
brood magma abyss gaily avail needs simon abuse novel weepy chose geese was

Okay I'm going to see if I can make some sense of this somehow, allrighty, I want to win an Oscar, that's evident. I worked for a director named Simon. I used to be weepy but Effexor has pretty much taken care of that one for me. I appreciate a good novel. I like geese and feel guilty for using down pillows so I always try to buy used ones. These e-mails are abusive, so that takes care of that. I've been going for late night walks. I like to "helps" where I can. There's a cat at my door making a sound. I'm not a fan of the show Alias, never have been, don't know why. I'm worried about the shape of my ass, and I'm one of the few people I know who liked the movie The Abyss, so that leaves, boing, joked, brush, sacks, ebony, audit, state, brood, magma, gaily, avail, needs, chose and was. Hmmm. Maybe I should make some bad (boing) jokes about guys and the state of their sacks, which might cause some gaily skipping state tax man to brood over my sexist remarks and decide to audit me. That leaves magma, brush and ebony. I want to use a brush to spank your ebony...? Oh darn it I forgot about daffy, bacon, digit, etc., cases also. Seriously, what do these words mean and where do they cull them from? Maybe I should just write back to them and ask them "never to distribute me another communication again" NOT!

Yeah that's me and the gals busily shopping away while smiling.

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