This was such a sad, weird, sucky Mother's Day, mostly because of Beau. All he wants to do these days is play his Star Wars Galaxies role playing game, well, that and play guitar with his friends, who I just learned kicked him out of his band on Friday -- the little shits. Twelve and thirteen year olds -- his best friend, kicking him out of the band he started because, "You're just not that good," and "You suck," and "I hope this won't come between us." It took him two days to tell me. He was crying. I want to go over to his shit friend Steven's house and say, "You know what? You're mean. You're selfish, You hurt my son. I've never liked you. I think you're a negative, bad influence on him. Don't ever come over here again." I'd also like to slap him.
The problem is, I don't know Steven's side of the story. Naturally I feel protective of my son and when someone hurts him, it hurts me just as deeply. But Beau is stubborn, selfish, and hurtful too, so who knows what really happened. Beau has made me promise not to confront the kid or his Mom so I'll never get to know what the true reason was for Steven's wanting to cut him out of their little group. It's extra sad because I know how happy Beau was when he found out that his old friend from middle school lives just three houses away from us, and plays drums so he got him to join, "the band." Now this new kid is in and Beau is out.
I told Beau I could get him lessons, and he just objected completely, saying he was really good and didn't need them. He's so arrogant and stubborn sometimes, so that could be part of the problem, but for his friend to be so cold and mean about it just really sucks and hurts a lot. I'd like to call his Mom and ask her if she knows anything about this but she's never been capable of taking responsibility for her son's behavior, never made him make amends for any of the shitty things he's done, things like carving words into our wood paneling or burning a hole in Beau's mattress, so there's really no point. Most of the time I just feel used by them, used for free baby-sitting whenever it's convenient for them.
It's not like they're going to become the next Nirvana but Beau doesn't know that and you can imagine how much it would hurt to have your best friend call you up and say, "You're out of the band man." It's like something out of a movie like, Rock Star, or School of Rock, I'm sure there are plenty more. You just never think this kind of thing is going to happen to your little boy, and break his heart two days before his birthday.
Then there's the way Beau treated me, or didn't treat me, for Mother's Day. My Mom took him out to buy a gift and a couple of cards for me this week. Yesterday Scott wanted to take him out to buy me a gift. I wanted to take him out to get his hair cut and buy him some decent looking clothes to wear to Mom's club today. He has to wear a coat and tie when we go there, his Hot Topix wannabe throwback-punk-Goth bullshit look won't cut it there among all of the tanned Polo sport coat wearing boys and their parents. My Mom does everything for us, without her we wouldn't have our home, and I don't think it's asking to much of us to dress conservatively one or two days a year to make her happy.
Anyway Beau's back suddenly decided to act up yesterday so he just couldn't be expected to get his hair cut, or try on clothes, or go with Scott to buy his Mom a gift. Instead I went out and guessed at his size and bought the clothes for him, Scott did the shopping for him and made the card, we just gave up on cutting his hair. And after all of that he was just this surly, grumpy, bratty kid who only perked up when he was enjoying stressing me out by stuffing huge bites of bread in his mouth in front of my Mother. He forgot to sign the cards or bring the presents and when Scott came by tonight and gave him the gift and the card to give me, he came in my room and told me he was too upset over the band thing and too tired to give me anything so he'd do it tomorrow.
Scott was really upset and wanted to talk to him, wanted to explain that the holiday is today, so with my encouragement he went to his room to talk to him, but Beau had locked the door and refused to answer it even though Scott begged him through the door a dozen times. Finally Scott used his key to go in and found Beau laying in his bed with a pillow over his head. He wouldn't answer or respond to Scott in any way, other than to sigh. Scott went and sat next to him on the bed and tried as hard as he could to get him to listen to or speak with him and he refused. Scott was really hurt.
After that I went into Beau's room and caught him either going to or coming from his fucking computer that I want to toss out the window. I told him that I was hurt and angry and that the least he could do after Scott went to all of the trouble of getting a gift for him to give me, was to give the damned thing to me. I reminded him that Scott is my boyfriend and that he has done a lot for him and deserves to be treated with respect and kindness. I made him come into my room to apologize to Scott, which he did in this surly rude way. Then when he was on his way out the door I told him that if he can't be bothered to be kind to anyone else he'd better not expect me to put a lot of energy into doing some of the many things he's asked me to do for his birthday which is this Tuesday. He gave me the meanest look and then slammed my door and then I swore at him.
I'm so depressed and my tooth, my abscessed tooth, or really the gum above the tooth, is killing me. What should I do? I feel so hurt and sad and helpless. I feel like I've completely failed as a Mom.
There were a few sweet things that happened. Anna got flowers for me and Atra, Arta and their daughter gave me flowers as well. Scott came by at night and gave me some flowers, an Asian blotter with dragons on it, a little chicky thing, and a nice card. I gave Mom some Hanae Morae (sp?) perfume and body lotion, a gorgeous limited edition Swarovsky butterfly pin, a vintage mother's Day card, a miniature silver apple box with a heart inside, two more cards and some roses. I gave Atra, Maryam, and Anna sprays of white orchids, boxes of French chocolates and cake.
I hope you all had much better Mother's Day's than we did. The best part of my day was spent feeding my frightened possums who bared their teeth and growled at me. The worst part of the day was spent fighting with Beau and listening to Marjam, Atra's friend, tell me that animals belong outside and that people who spend money taking care of animals should be spending that money on poor starving children instead, big huge sigh.
Love you guys,