Oh man I am turning into such a yarn hoarding whore. (I like the word whore because as a woman I am taking it back and transforming it, yeah, that's it. I think if I say it enough in silly ways that it will defuse the whole thing and take it away from the people who will use it to hurt us. Hey I never said I would make any sense here, I'm just winging it.) Just look at this gorgeous curly yarn that I just bought from Plucky Fluff. I keep waiting for her to put one of her wilder, more crazily colored yarns up with the sequins and bugs, but she is torturing me by making me wait while she spins all of these natural fall colored skeins. There is a chocolate brown one up there that one of you guys should snap up pronto before someone else does. I think this one will be a present for Atra for Christmas if I can keep my hands off of it.
I just received a little book about hand spinning in the mail, yeay, and it came with some wool and a little drop spindle. I think I'll wait and take it over to Atra's house to play with over there, less claws.
I had a really great conversation with my sweet ol' pal ana last night and it made me feel so much better. I had been feeling kind of insecure and girly and she helped me feel valued and cared for again. I love her. I'm so hormonal. I hate this too because I can tell that my moods and decisions are often governed by something chemical surging inside me that I don't have control over, like my sexuality, it's such a weirdly delicate thing and I never know when it's going to bubble up to surface dying to be sated. Then she lumps around for a few days whining about how she never get enough, poor Scott does his happily surprised although weary best, and then she fucks off again somewhere to wait it out until next month leaving me dazed and stunned in her wake. Sex as a sea monster, hmmm, I'll have to think about that one.
My tooth is bothering me, well, my tooth or my teeth. I'm never really sure where the pain is coming from because it travels. This is so frustrating though because the area that hurts is the place where I recently had the most work -- teeth ground down to almost nothing, and a bridge put in. Oh the fun of it. I'm telling you, if you aren't a flosser you'd better get with the plan and quick so you won't wind up living at the dentist and spinning gold for him in some forgotten corner of the castle to keep him from taking your first born child, or something like that.
I am in such pain today. I want to take something for the pain, something stronger than Advil or Tylenol but I am too much of a habituated addicty type of a person and I just know that if I take anything serious, like a Vicodin, by tomorrow night I'll have some reason why I need to take another. When I don't get enough sleep my Fibromyalgia kicks up and everything hurts. I swear even my hair hurts.
I promised myself after not having had enough sleep for two nights that last night would be the one where I would force myself to go to bed early and sleep damnit. But that was not to be since Beau came busting in to my room at 1:00 AM (I had thought he went to bed at 10:00), asking me to help him with a homework assignment he forgot he had. ARGH, and I had been asking him every single day from last Thursday on to please do his homework and he kept saying he had. It was a good assignment and I didn't want him to rush it and miss the value in it. His humanities teacher asked the kids in his class to find a current event or issue affecting Native Americans, something from an alternative news source, read it and write about it. He could get extra credit if he got some feedback on whatever he wrote about from real honest to God living Native Americans, and since I am blessed to have a couple of those good folks on my friend's list here, I asked them if they wouldn't mind helping us out.
Well, as you can imagine once I opened this Pandora's box of hurt I couldn't just close it and go to sleep. I wanted to get up and make things better right now! I read about Leonard Peltier, casino gaming issues, tribal education and housing, indigenous peoples and their alarmingly high rate of alcoholism, (No surprise there my Mom has been telling me that, "Beau better be careful because he's half Mexican and they have Indian blood and Indian's are alcoholics," oh lord spare us, for years now), suicide, and the tragic plight of a tribe in Canada. I learned so much and got so upset and overstimulated that I stayed up most of the night. Like that's such a big deal thing to complain about when there are children huffing gasoline and paint fumes and committing suicide. I know the least I can do is wake up and make myself aware of the disparity, cruelty and mistreatment, but I can whine a little bit about the lack of sleep when it makes everything go to shit because of my health, ack, whine, shuffle, complain, pee, sleep, maybe.
Oh God Moe just backed up to me and peed right at me. I'm never prepared for this. You know how there are just those days that flat out suck. Well, so far today has been one of them, and whenever I say this or think this way a little me inside of me jumps on my back and
Oh yeay ana, (oh would you look at that ouiser I did spell it with one n, and I didn't cap it either because when I write your name I do it without caps cause you don't, I got into that habit a long time and it's kind of a form of affection with me now, I'll fix that,) I mean Anna, found some more green olives for me so I can have some with my supper, yeay ANNA.
Ahhh lovely, Phil Hendrie is on. *Big relieved sigh.* I'm so weird, I find talk radio more soothing than music, especially when it's brilliant and funny like this is. If you haven't heard Phil you have got to check him out, he's so gifted, doing as many as four voices all arguing with each other at the same time. He just blows me mind, really. I don't even mind that he's so rude and gets so close to being offensive that it makes me squeal, because he is so smart and talented and I can't help but admire him. He's in the new Trey Parker Matt Stone movie.
My little Tommy Cat is getting bigger and I can't find my cable or this other piece of hardware that I need in order to share these pictures with you.
I just got back from fighting with Beau over his homework and then fighting with my Mother who is out of her mind, seriously, she is being so mean and so entrenched, she's made up her mind about something that seriously affects our lives and she's just hanging on to this decision by her teeth and won't let go no matter how much I try to reason with her, no matter how much I beg her to be reasonable. I swear I'm so stressed out I think I'm losing my mind. I'm definitely losing my head, it's shaking so badly it'll probably shake itself off of my neck and go flying off into space. There's a part of me that wishes it would, then I wouldn't have to stay here and worry about taking care of everyone and everything and doing battle every friggin' day with the dramas of my life.
Don't mind me here, I've just been busy hiding, fighting, freaking out and waiting for the sky to fall.
And this was yesterday's post;
What do you do when you love and want to sleep with several people at the same time but they don't get along? I want to sleep with Jake but Jake won't sleep with me if Niki is here, he just won't do it, if he sees Niki he'll just walk away dejectedly and sleep on the floor in the bathroom. If Jake is already here but Niki tries to get into bed with us then Jake will whack Niki and make him cry. Summer likes to sleep on my face or on my pillow next to my head. Buki, who has absolutely no idea how to sleep in groups, without walking all over everyone with his heavy paws, can't get that when Summer is growling it means, "Please don't come any closer or I'll scream and then hit you." He doesn't understand that people can't breathe when he covers their faces with his bony body. Dr. Matt gets along with pretty much everyone and can sleep in smallish groups but if one too many people join us he can get testy with his teeth. Moe and Moe are aggressive and have no problem biting anyone who might just happen to be sleeping anywhere they might want to be which causes a scary chain event of cat scattering and scrambling, when this happens my delicate human skin can sometimes can get in the way and tear, leaving me wide awake, bleeding and confused with hurt feelings.
Please will you go over and give my Scotty, Songmon here on Live Journal, some moral support? He is being audited and he is sooo scared. Right when he finally gets a little, and I do mean a little, bit of money, enough to put the smallest down payment on a house in order to be able to buy it, leaving him with a huge mortgage hanging over his head that he isn't even sure he can pay, this happens.
He didn't do anything wrong but he had a lot of deductions as an entertainer in 2002 and it set off some kind of IRS alarm bell and they're coming for him. You know how it goes, supposedly they randomly audit people and when they do it's sort of part of their mission to get something on you. So Scott is desperately trying to assemble his paperwork for that year, anything to back up his claim that as a singer songwriter he was entitled to those deductions that he took. I'd tell you more but I don't know how much it's safe to say here or if even this much is all right with Scott. I just wanted to put it out there that he could use some advice and moral support. He has until Thursday to turn in his receipts and his documentation, etc.,
I did a stupid thing yesterday -- a naughty, sneaky, bad karma kind of thing and I involved my son in it, and I knew it was wrong. Atra's Mom Ghodsi came back from Iran late last night and I wanted to give her some flowers. I wanted to give her a pretty floral arrangement. Normally I just go to The Woods and blow a hundred and fifty dollars, which is insane considering there are flowers everywhere and I studied floral arranging and even had my own little floral design business for a while, but I'm lazy. I like shopping there because it smells so good and it never fails to inspire me in some way, and I love to give people the best things. I am trying really hard to be more careful with money so I decided I would make my own arrangement out of flowers from my garden but when I went outside to cut some they were all gone. I thought, "Hunh, that's weird, I had dozens of roses just a week or so ago. That's when Beau and Ana told me that Beth, Beau's friend Steven's Mom had taken them the last time she was here.
So using my having had my roses taken as a weak justification I decided to help myself to a few flowers here and there from other people's gardens. I thought, if someone has five roses we'll take one, if they have twenty, maybe we'll take two. I further justified this by saying it's okay if people take mine, I always share, so maybe it's okay if we take a few here and there. I did this once before but I asked people first, that's the right way to do it.
So there we were stealing people's flowers and I was feeling bad about it. I would drive around and when we'd see a lot of flowers I would pull over, Beau would hop out, and then he would cut one and we would drive off. We saw this apartment building with a garden in front that was just loaded with pink roses. Somehow the fact that it was an apartment building made it seem less like we were taking flowers from some sweet grandma and more like it would be okay to take one because there were so many, so Beau got out and was just about to cut one when this incredibly angry man squealed up behind us in a truck, jumped out and said, "And the next thing that's going to happen is I am going to break both of your Fucking arms! I Fucking watered those roses, I fed them, who the Fuck do you think you are that you can just come here and take some?" We deserved it but it was still really scary, this guy was off the charts angry, I mean I thought he was going to kill us he was so angry. So I yelled out to Beau, who was just stunned into silence, standing there blinking and saying, "I...I...I'm sorry," "Beau! Hurry, get in the car!" We drove off and the angry man followed us for a few blocks before he calmed down and sped off, phew. I knew it was wrong and that we shouldn't have been doing that, it's not cool to tale other people's flowers, I just wanted to do something loving for Atra's Mom, something that would make her happy and she loves flowers, but I made the mistake of not listening to that voice inside my head that was practically screaming at me, the Golden Rule karma pushing voice that said, "Don't do this, it's wrong!"