Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Paris Hilton's New Book

Oh I am so sorry. I just had to do it, I actually bought this book. It's just too bubble-gum, pink fun to pass up on.

Some choice quotes;

"Never ever wake up before ten; Never go to bed before three. Normal hours are for normal people. You never want to be normal. Anyone can be normal. how boring. I'm yawning."

"Always tell everyone what they want to hear. Then do what you want. That way no one ever gets mad at you. They get very confused and then blame it on themselves. If anyone confronts you, smile sweetly and act coyly, particularly with guys and bosses. Try not to have bosses if you can avoid them. Or have your manager deal with them."

"It doesn't hurt to act rich as well as hot. I've found it to be a fairly unbeatable combination. Who's a guy going to go for: a girl who's gorgeous, or a girl who's gorgeous and rich?...It's all about being hard to get. No one would want caviar if it was cheap."

"I never knew sausage was made out of slimy pig intestines. They look like condoms, and you have to push the meat through to make sausage. I swear I'll never eat sausage again. Even at the Ivy. okay, maybe at the Ivy."

"It's never a bad idea to have a good back up guy waiting in the wings, just in case. Always have a list of good backup guys in your head, and when you spot one of them -- even if you're with your boyfriend -- smile at him with a look of, 'Who knows? You could be next.' He'll get it. Just don't get caught. And if you do, deny it. Heiresses are very good liars when they have to be."

"Once you break up with a guy, it's a good idea to torture him -- if you're bored...If you torture them, they'll have a much worse time getting over you. And that's what you want. An heiress has to be memorable."

Here is my list of sappy, silly things every real girl should be able to do if she feels like it. And often.

*Throw a fit, throw things, cry -- loud. Have a meltdown whenever you feel like it. whimper and whine on a whim.
*Change your mood like you change your clothes. Or even more often.
*Change your boyfriend as often as your mood.
*Let your parents take care of you.
*Wear pink and ballerina stuff to the point of overkill.
*Keep stuffed animals all over your room, and carry them wherever.
*Talk on the phone wherever and whenever you feel like it.
*Cover your cellphone in rhinestones.
*Keep a diary of everything a guy you like does.

"Never have only one cell phone when you can have many. Lose one all the time. That way, if you haven't called someone back you can blame it on the lost phone."

"FEAR NOTHING -- except insects. And sweaty guys who insist on kissing you when they come up to say hello. There's nothing worse than a sweaty guy who kisses you on both cheeks. Once is bad enough, but to have to go through it twice is really two times too much."

I just know Scott is reading this and finding parallels, stop that.

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