Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Can I tell you how much I hate that feeling where you sense something delicate, small, and tickley, moving across your skin, and you suddenly realize with horror that it is most probably a spider? Yeah. That just happened. Shrrrriiiiiiieeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's super hard for me because I border on being a jane anyways, so when something I'm afraid of crawls across me, i can't just take a swipe at it, without worrying I might hurt one of it's little legs or something. The worst was when an ant crawled in my ear one night. It made this amazingly loud munching sound and i ran to the bathroom, but what could i do. Stick my finger in my ear and I might smush it. So I kind of tried to flush it out by dripping water in my ear and it washed out alive.

There's a Beatles documentary on. I love the Beatles. It was great being able to expose my little boy to them. At first he said, "The Beatles suck," you know, just to be mean to me. Then soon enough he was singing Eleanor Rigby. That was a satisfying moment. Here Comes the Sun; can you hear that and not feel moved?

I'm afraid to put my feet down because that little spider is lurking around down there somewhere.

I was in the running for the film that launched Camryhn Manheim's career. I guess that's a good thing. I just have this cynical feeling that there's only enough room for one or two fat women in this business and I know that isn't so. I just feel like in these last two years of grieving the loss of my marriage and just dealing with life in general, I've gotten too fat, to play a fat woman in Hollywood. Of course there's also the age thing. I ran into a friend of mine yesterday and she told me that a mutual friend of ours, well, more a friend of hers, but I knew and liked her too, had given up actng. I hate hearing that, but maybe it narrows the field. As long as I can hang on like some tenacious crabby, my chances of succeeding might actually improve as my fellows drop out. I mean God, they've got to need some old fat average looking people who can act some time, heh ; )

I had a root canal today. I am dental-phobic. it take years to get me in. I'll suffer through so much toothache pain before I'll drag my butt in. It was okay though, my doctor is very gentle and kind. I got to watch the first four episodes of Sex and the City on these little glasses with headphones attached. Of course I was pretty freaked so it wasn't too easy to concentrat, but heck, I'd much rather watch people having sex in New York, than watch pointy instruments making their way towards my face.

I took myself out to dinner afterwards. I went to my newest favorite restaurant. Super ridiculously expensive, but it gave me something to look forward to, despite my half frozen face. Last week when we were there, we had white truffles, which smell a lot like cum and taste like garlic. They're incredibly yeasty and only in season for the tiniest time.

I'm reading Karen Duffy's book about her illness, My Life as an Incurable Wise Ass. It's really funny.

Scotty is here. I have to go love and be loved, yeay.

Love youze,

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