Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

A friend of mine was upset because one of her LJ friends defriended her, and I felt bad for her, in my usual codependent way, so I checked out the <a href="http://marnanel.org/joule?user=jacqui&mode=chart">Fan's of Your Journal meme</a> to see if maybe I could put in her name and see who she was talking about, the plan being to see if I could somehow sleuth out what went wrong to try to cheer her up.

This was a bad plan on so many levels. This meme always makes me feel crappy because I am forever being deleted by people I really like but have never had the time to keep up enough with, and also being added by <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/dancn4life08/">super weird people like this</a>. I mean what the hell? What does this mean? Why would anyone want to create a journal just to put me on it and then make up a bunch of stuff about me? I'm the only person on his/her friend's list and their one and only entry is all a bunch of fictitious weirdness about me, again, what the hell? I don't want to hurt their feelings...I just want to understand.

Oh and this woman who turned out to be the mother of the woman who is currently dating my ex who friended me, then told me about this, called me and talked to me a couple of times, just defriended me, and now I'm just kind of wondering why. It was definitely a challenging relationship for me to have -- made me feel so old and sad, like I was some kind of weird, twisted version of my old life partner's mother-in-law, but I hung in there for her sake. Eeegads this Live Journal stuff can be painful, bleh.

I would tell you my plans for Valentine's Day but that would give it all away to Scott. Oh wait, no, I'll leave it here behind the friends cut because I'm not adding him back until after Valentine's Day. That'll cut these two gals out of the loop as well, me smart, yep. Or maybe not because this dancn4life gal or guy could be someone who is already on my friend's list. I just don't understand why anyone would want to take the time to do something like this, why me, you know? Any ideas? I keep finding people who have added me who only have me listed as a friend -- it seems so odd, but then I remember that I've been in magazines and on TV and maybe that has something to do with it, I don't know, it's kind of baffling.

I mentioned this before but I feel like yakking about it; I'm gonna take the gals, (Esther and Anna -- Esther is always looking for extra work so this will help her as well as Scott, Anna and me), over there and we're going to unpack the boxes he hasn't been able to face, hang up all of his clothes, scrub and clean, take the big mantel piece mirror and standing lamp I gave him for Christmas/Hanukkah over there, put pictures in albums, rearrange things a bit, make enchiladas and a blue cheese, candied walnut, and arrugala lettuce salad, with a chocolate fudge heart Valentine cake that says Scott + Jacqui = XOXO. I'm going to light a fire in his fireplace because I think he's been feeling too tired and overwhelmed to do it and has had this pile of logs sitting just outside of it for a while now. I'll buy flowers and I have a few gifts including a cool, old, red Cinnabar box that I think he'll like. I'm hoping I can find rose petals somewhere to scatter on his bed, and I'll just do everything I can to put myself in the mood for lovin' Maybe we'll get to put his hot tub to use, woohoo. I almost did something ridiculous and bought a bottle of Cristal but I was saved the stupid expense when Scott reminded me that we already have a fine bottle of Champagne left over from New Year's that was just sitting in my refrigerator. I rarely drink and I am such a lightweight that I make for a super cheap and easy date. It goes a little something like this; Jacqui + champagne + Scott = Hmmmm...I think I'm feeling a little something, I'm feeling kind of warm and fuzzy and Oh My God I have to have him right now!

I still have to write Beau's Valentine's cards out, but his presents are wrapped. He's having me take a dozen red roses and chocolates over to his little girlfriend Sarah's house, even though her parents aren't too thrilled about their calling themselves boyfriend and girlfriend.

I had fun at our block party today at Nancy's house. It was so nice seeing all of the neighbors together in one place. It was also a little disconcerting to realize that so many of the kids who were born her, kids who I held when they were infants, are now in college. How does this happen. Libby was just a baby in a pram when I moved in and now she's eighteen and going to Northwestern. I remember when Janet came home from the hospital and handed little Sarah to me, now she's a young woman who wants to get her ears pierced because I gave her gold earrings for Christmas without realizing her Mom didn't want to let her pierce them until she's older, whoops. I so appreciate Nancy for doing this for us. She is such a good being, really.

Mommy Ghodsi, Atra's Mother, gave me a gold necklace with a diamond heart charm today. I couldn't believe it. All I gave her was a basket with a teddy bear and some bath scrub and lotion. Wow.

I have a bladder infection for the first time in twenty years, I think. It hurts, yeouch, but luckily I had a handy box of illegally purchased Bactrim on hand or we wouldn't be having much of a Valentine's day. Thank God for Mexico, eh?

I really need to go to sleep or I will sabotage all of my well laid plans.

I hope you all have the happiest and most loving Valentine's Days. If you aren't coupled up, try not to get caught up in the hype of it, just know you're loved and fine just as you are and go out and buy yourself some flowers and chocolate if you like. Why not? Be good to yourself in ways that no one else would ever know how to. You deserve it.

Love you guys,

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