Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Guess who's writing about Willy Loman after all? I swear I'm losing my mind here. Everyone leaves their homework to the last second and (Oh my GOD, Buki was just about to sneeze big time into my vegetarian chili, I just took really strong antibiotics and am so nauseous, I need to eat this food or I'll get sick so I had to quickly shield my food with my hands, and he sneezed all over them instead -- you so have to love cats to understand why I'd put up with this, heh), I love them too much to let them suffer the consequences. I know I'm not doing anyone any real favors by doing the work for them, and things are going to have to shift, I'm going to have to learn to say no, and Beau and Atra are going to have to learn to stand on their own, but I'm not going to hang them out to dry days before they're both about to cross the finish line, especially Beau.

Beau came home after tutoring this afternoon and told me that he HAS TO HAVE Powerpoint Excel NOW because he has a thirty page report due tomorrow that he didn't know he had to do by tomorrow, argh, and it has to be presented on this four-hundred-dollar program that we don't have. Not only that but the movie he made in his video shorts class is being screened tonight in a half hour and he didn't know this either and even though the school is closed and there isn't anyone there, he wants me to call the school and find out how to get him to wherever the screening is. And he wants me to take him to Hot Topic because he simply can't go one more day with the clothes he has. And he has an eight paragraph report due on Tuesday and on and on and on...

One of Beau's oldest girl-friends called today because she was worried that her Dad had upset me the other day when we spoke on the phone. I love this little gal, Juliet, (Sara too), we've been friends since she was in first grade and her Mom died of breast cancer. I've always felt like a kind of distant surrogate Mom, always made myself available if she needed me, and loved her from as close or as far as her Father would allow us to get. I remember how acutely painful being a teenager was, how hard it was walking that line between yearning for freedom and respect, while still needing your parents love and feeling confused and more than a little afraid of the world.

I haven't read any comments left in my journal from last night's Zazu entry because I just can't face them right now, your kindness means the world to me, and I'm so grateful, but I'll have to wait until I have a little space to deal with the feelings...

Back to the Junior College slave mines... Let's see, if I could meet any character in Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman who would it be? I think I should pick Hap or Linda just to be perverse. Like I wouldn't pick one of the greatest characters in the history of American theatre...

Love, love, love,

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