Oh wait, hang on...my sweet little friend Juliette, Beau's girlfriend, is on the phone talking to me about a problem she's having, ackitty, and I have to get ready for this thing tonight, I'm getting my hair done in this sixties Audrey style at my Mom's old-lady salon. I love Juliette, I feel honored that she turns to me when she has problems. She wrote the sweetest letter to me from camp -- made me cry : ( She's adopted like I am, but her adoptive Mother -- the only Mom she's ever known -- died of breast cancer when Juliette and Beau were in second grade. So, so sad, heartbreakingly sad. Anyway, I like to consider myself one of a million surrogate mother's who will stand in for her Mom in heaven and want to help out in any way I can and just love her to the moon and back.
I'll be right back...
So back to my Jani problem; I didn't push Mom to stand up to Jani because I knew it would be hard for her to do so I was gracious about the whole thing, although not just a little sad, and I just told her that it wasn't going to be that big of a deal and that she'd be able to come to the real fashion show in November. Then when I called my Mom today to say hello I asked her if I could read my little speech to her, to see if she liked it, and she said, "Oh Honey, Jani's here, I want you to tell her all about it," and handed the phone off to Jani. Well, this was the last thing Jani wanted, she doesn't like me to begin with -- we've always had this weird sibling rivalry kind of deal going on between us, (maybe this is mean and cynical, but I've gotta say that I think it has a lot to do with my parent's money and Jani's being jealous of everything that they have done for me), and she sure didn't want me to try to talk her out of her precious murdered lobster dinner. She wasn't friendly in the least. She had this cold tone to her voice, and as I began to describe what Mom wanted me to tell her about tonight's show, she cut me off, so I said, "Jani, I know you want to go to this lobster dinner thing, I'm not trying to talk you out of it. I don't even know why Mom wanted me to talk to you but basically..." and she just kept cutting me off. She said, "Your Mom wouldn't be able to go to something like that, she can't go somewhere where there are that many people," as if she knew better than I do what my Mom can and can't handle. Grrrrr. I told her that I could take Mom in a wheelchair and that this is what I have been collecting all of these dresses for and that Mom wants to go. So she said, "Well, you have a video camera don't you? You can take Beau and have him tape it for you." The nerve of this woman. How she cannot only completely ignore my Mom and my wishes, wants, and needs, but manage to turn it all around and make it seem as if I am being selfish and she has my Mother's best interests at heart. Well, like I said, I want to kill her.
There is so much more I could write about this, so many stories I could tell, but I just don't have the time. I don't know why my Mom surrounds herself with such difficult people, (There are a lot of good qualities about Jani, but it's a little hard to befriend someone when they so clearly dislike you), and makes it so hard for all of us to get along. It's weird, it's as if by allowing any of to get close to each other we would somehow threaten her position of prominence in relation to any of us. It's a very divide and conquer method of relating to people in the world -- I don't know if she does this with her other friends or if it's just with me, I'll have to think about this...I also don't know if this is a Leo thing, or a feeling of insecurity on her part, but it just really hurts that in almost every aspect of my Mom's life she has divided me from anyone who she is close to. She has to be the center of attention of any relationship, always. It was the same way with my Father, as soon as we got close, she'd do something to make him dislike me and we'd grow apart. I know this affected me pretty deeply because in two of my closest relationships I selected people who were exactly the same way, people who couldn't or wouldn't share friends because they felt so threatened. I hope I'm not doing this any more because I really hate it. Oh bleh, I have to go. I just had to get this off my breasts.