The new season of Weeds begins next Monday. To really understand how crackling good the writing on this show is you'd have to watch a few episodes, or read a script, but I've transcribed a few scenes from one of my favorite episodes, (The Godmother), so you can get a feel for what I'm talking about;
Nancy's, (Nancy Botwin, the lead character, played wonderfully by Mary Louise Parker), brother-in-law, Andy, has received a summons from the Army Reserves. He has gone to visit Doug Wilson, Nancy's accountant and business advisor, who is also her biggest client. He is perpetually stoned. He is also on the city council. Throughout the following exchange Andy is lighting up and smoking weed from his pipe.
Andy: They found me man
Doug: Bummer. Who found you?
Andy: The Fucking army that's who. Years ago in Colorado I was trying to impress a lady friend, and there was Jaegermeister, and I signed up for the Army Reserves then I forgot about it. Now I get a letter saying I gotta report for duty or face military prison. I mean I'm off the grid. I'm, "Off The Grid Andy."
Doug: Well, you got busted for possession, and now you're, "In The System Andy."
Andy: Well, you gotta help me man. You're on the city council right? Tell them that my city needs me.
Doug: Needs you for what?
Andy: I don't know, fer, fer, plantin' trees? Starting a youth program for troubled teenage girls?
Doug: I could help you if you got a ticket for littering in the park, but that's all the juice I got.
Andy: Fine, then I'm a conscientious objector.
Doug: Nununh. No! You signed up for the reserves on your own free, drunk, horny accord. You are Fucked!
Andy: Fuck! Oh well, I am not going to Iraq to fight in some bullshit war about oil money.
Doug: Bullshit war? What about 9/11? Didn't Iran hide the terrorists?
Andy: We're fighting a war in IRAQ, Doug, and neither country had anything to do with blowing up the World Trade Center.
Doug: Well, they both have sand.
Andy: Bush invaded a sovereign nation in defiance of the UN. He's a war criminal, and now I'm supposed to be one of his disposable thugs, with a Fucking target on my head, in the middle of the desert, waiting to be blown up by a car bomb, rigged by a twelve-year-old who loved Friends and Metallica, until one of our missiles blew up his house? I don't think so!
Doug: They had weapons of mass destruction.
Andy: THERE WERE NO WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!
Doug: No? Well, whatever. Look, I gotta lotta shit to do.
Andy: You name me one thing you have to do that's more important than the corporate takeover of our democracy.
Doug: Holding up the bathroom key. I gotta take a shit.
Andy: You gotta help me, man.
Doug: I will. I will. I'm gonna put one of those yellow ribbon stickers on my car, for you.
Andy: How can you be so blindly pro-Bush?
Doug: Smiling. I like his wife Laura. Used to buy weed from her at SMU. Good shit. Good shit.
Nancy goes to her dealer Heylia's, (The amazingly good Tonye Patano), house to make her usual drug buy, but Heylia's nephew, Nancy's friend Conrad, isn't speaking to her. She confronts Heylia about it. Throughout the scene Heylia's daughter Benita is in early labor.
Nancy: So, Conrad, nice plant. You workin' on a new special blend for me?
Conrad does not respond.
Nancy: What's the matter?
Heylia: Oh, he not here.
Nancy: Oh really? He coming back soon?
Heylia: No, he's not. Not while you here.
Nancy: What's that supposed to mean?
Heylia: That means that from now on, you got business to handle, you handle it with me. You and Conrad aint havin' no more association. Not while I'm alive and kickin' with my pointy shoes.
Nancy: I don't understand. What did I do?
Heylia: You brought out the stupid in him! Now I'm sure you didn't tell him to go down to that little school and beat the tar out of little Mr. Security Guard, but you blink them big brown eyes and there he go, and I can't have that.
Nancy: To Conrad.You did that?
Heylia: Who you think done it? The Fuck You Up Fairy?
Nancy: I didn't...I have no idea...I never would've...
Heylia: And you never will. So you wanna keep on doin' business over here? You gone do it with me and Benita.
Nancy: You can't tell me who to talk to. Conrad? Say something.
Conrad gets up and leaves the room.
Nancy: He's my friend.
Heylia: What's it gonna be? You gone play? Or you gone get the Fuck up out my kitchen and never come back?
Nancy: That's not a fair choice.
Heylia: Fare is what you pay to ride the bus. See dat's the only fare I know.
Nancy: Forget it. I'm outta here
Heylia: You sure about that?
Heylia: Maybe. You hear that shit Benita? She said, "Maybe."
Benita: Who is very pregnant and has been having labor pains. I think my water just broke.
Heylia: On my good chair? What the Fuck? Girl, you didn't think to put a towel down?
Benita: Pleading for help. Mommy!!!
Heylia: All right baby, I'm comin'. I'm comin!
Celia's, (An extremely dislikable character played to perfection by Elizabeth Perkins), young daughter Isabelle has been playing celebrity and publicist with her new friend Peggy. Celia, who is recovering from cancer surgery and chemotherapy treatments, and is also highly critical of her daughter's weight problem, has just walked in on the two young girls kissing on the mouth. She has sat them down at the kitchen counter in order to have a talk with them. She is wearing a wig and smoking.
Celia: Okay! YOU cannot become a lesbian just because you don't want to lose weight. The only girl that you should be seeing is Jenny Craig!
Celia: I know. I know. You see people like Rosie O'Donnel and you think, "Hey, she can find love." But that is not where lesbianism is going Isabelle. Look at The L. Word.
Isabelle:: I love Peggy and she loves me.
Celia: She's a little Asian girl. They look like boys already, you might as well go for the real deal.
Peggy: Hey, I have boobs.
Celia: Those are not boobs. Call your Grandparents and tell them to come and pick you up, please!
Peggy goes to call her Grandparents.
Isabelle: I knew it wouldn't last.
Isabelle: The new and improved you. You're feeling better aren't you? You're not gonna die.
Celia: Taking a drag off of her cigarette. No, I'm going to live for a long, long time. The doctors say I'm doing really, really well.
Isabelle: You know maybe you should double check just to be sure. I mean there's still some chance you'll die right?
Celia: Why would you say that?
Isabelle: Because when you think you're gonna die, you're a much better person.
Peggy: Speaking in Chinese to her Grandparents on the telephone. She says I can't play with her daughter anymore because she hates immigrants and thinks we should get out of her neighborhood.
Peggy: To Celia with a sugar sweet smile. They are on their way.
I just love this show. Everything about it is terrific and it all just comes together so well. I'm surprised it took me so long to catch on. Thank God for summer reruns, eh?
There are some cool Weeds related downloads here including a podcast, a screensaver, and some wallpaper. One of them has a picture of some pot brownies on a plate, with a joint and a cool retro wallpaper background, but I don't know what the stuff to the right of the plate is supposed to be, seeds?
Damn, I've got to go, I'm off to a couple of accident follow up doctor's appointments. I am finally going to have my elbow and arm x-rayed at the orthopedic clinic -- considering that the whole right side of my completely totaled SUV was smashed in, (I am seriously considering writing a big fat thank you to Ford for saving my life), and there is a gash in the metal that ripped my door apart so badly you can actually stick your hand through it, it doesn't come as a big surprise that my left side is messed up. I'm a stick your head in the sand kind of gal but I've got a ball of fluid on my elbow the size of a ping pong ball and it isn't going away on it's own, just one more injury on top of another. Other than that I just have to figure out why I've been dizzy every day for a month now, and can't stand for more than thirty minutes at a time. The ear nose and throat doctor I'm going to visit after the orthopedic surgeon should probably fix this up for me, or at least refer me to someone who will. Now if I could just squeeze in a visit to a chiropractor and get a massage I'll be all good to go for Scott when he comes over tonight expecting an eager lover.
More hugs as always,