This is one of my favorite people on the planet, Jake. I know he takes some getting used to, his one eye is shocking and he looks grumpy and scruffy, he takes terrible pictures which is why I rarely share pictures of him, but he's one of the dearest sweetest cats I've ever had the privilege of loving and living with.
Oh wow, I had just finished writing up the following entry and was looking for a good picture to put up with it when my beloved, old, Cornish Rex, best-friend-cat Jake went into serious respiratory distress. I freaked out, tossed the computer across the bed, ran to Jake grabbed him and started breathing into his nose for him. Of course he was already panicking because he couldn't breathe and this freaked him out even more so he bit me on the mouth and I had to struggle with him to get some air into his lungs which opened things up enough to get him breathing again. Shit!
I got Beau to watch Jake while I tried to throw something on, usually I'll just go in my nightgown, but I wasn't thinking straight, and I knew where the clothes were that I had peeled off earlier. I didn't even remember to put shoes on. Before we could get out the door it looked like Jake was suffocating again so I had to hold him and breathe into his nose for him. Eventually he figured out that every time I did this, and his lungs would fill, that I was helping him, so he stopped fighting me as much. In the car I held my struggling friend against me, while driving to my friend's emergency vet clinic, and when he'd look bad and start gasping Beau would take the wheel while I'd breathe into his nose and get him breathing again. It was pretty stressful, but par for the course in a way, as I've gotten used to this sort of late night emergency animal rescue thing.
He had been breathing heavily this afternoon and Scott and I were worried about him, but I thought it was the same thing we've been through before, where air builds up in his body making it harder for him to breathe but it goes away after a day or so and then he's fine. I thought we'd certainly be able to get through the night and I'd take him to the Value Vet clinic tomorrow where they'd tell me he's full of gas which presses on his organs and makes breathing uncomfortable.
Whenever this has happened before all we do is take him to the vet where they tell me the same thing, and he sits in a cage for three days racking up bills while his own body somehow repairs itself. But this was different, he was gasping, and then he had this attack. It was so scary. Now he's at Gary's hospital and they have him on oxygen and when he calms down they'll do an x-ray which will tell them the same thing that it always does, that air has built up in body and this is making it hard for him to breathe. I'm afraid to go to sleep because they may need to call and talk to me. But I really think he's going to be okay.
We've been through so much with Jake. He almost died once from this terrible cat virus that he may have had when we adopted him. His eyes have always been screwed up. He's completely blind in one eye and only has partial vision in the other. That's why Scott made up a little song about Jake the Pirate Cat because we joke about getting him a pirate patch for his one withered grape of an eye. He always had trouble breathing and snored at night. Now he has megaesophagus which means that the muscles in his esophagus will not work well enough for him to swallow, so my pal Dr. Adams performed a surgery to install a tube that allows us to feed soft food directly into his stomach. Except for having to change his bandages weekly, and the upset of knowing he may never be able to eat on his own again, we're just taking this one day at a time, and he is for the most part a happy guy.
So that's it for tonight's drama report. Hey, at least we weren't blown to smithereens by terrorists carrying bombs disguised as soft drinks. The funny thing is, that despite all of the weird crap I go through, I really love my life, and always hope for the best.
Nope, spoke too soon, call from the vet, Jake's prognosis is pretty poor. Oh my poor sweet friend. He's bleeding into his chest so Gary is going to try to tap that and drain it off and see if he can get the bleeding to stop, but he doesn't know what's causing it and Jake isn't strong enough for exploratory surgery, and to make matters worse there's a mass at the back of his throat that's blocking everything. I think I'm going to be up all night. I know that whatever is meant to happen will happen. I've told Gary to do what he thinks is right regarding euthanizing Jake if he feels he is suffering and there isn't any hope for him.
Here's the entry I originally intended to post;
I love Rob Brezny's Free Will Astrology. His horoscopes always seem so right on to me. Here's a good one for Aries this week.
ARIES (March 21- April 19)
"In 1986, an accident at the Chernobyl power plant in the Ukraine caused a nuclear meltdown. Radioactive waste spewed into the air, making the area uninhabitable. Twenty years later, humans are still absent, but wildlife is thriving. Native populations of badgers, wild boars, and deer have multiplied, and species that had disappeared before the disaster, like the lynx and eagle owl, have returned in abundance. Birds are even nesting in the steel and concrete "sarcophagus" built over the exploded reactor. This is not to say that everything's peachy. There are many problems lingering from the original devastation. I propose to you, Aries, that the situation in Chernobyl is a metaphor for something in your personal life. A place within you that endured a trauma has rebounded surprisingly, though it's still wounded. Take inventory, then raise the ante on the healing process."
I listened to my expanded audio horoscope for the first time in ages. He charges six dollars a piece for these and they're really helpful. Apparently this is a good time for Aries to take risks, to grab for brass rings, to push rivers, call down the moon, bend the forces of nature, in short now is the time to be brave and take risks, to go for those impossible dreams we all have. Who knew that just when I was feeling the most like pulling in and hiding out in my cat cave, where unforeseen forces of nature, like car accidents, can't really climb the stairs and come after me, that this would be the time to go out there and take action? Hmmm...
And there's his whole concept of Pronoia, as opposed to paranoia. I like this a lot too. Here's a link to a series of super positive Pronoia therapy exercises designed to bring joy and positive influence into your life and the lives of others. One of my favorite is this one;
"Is the world a dangerous, chaotic place with no inherent purpose, running on automatic like a malfunctioning machine and fundamentally inimical to your happiness? Or are you surrounded by helpers in a friendly universe that gives you challenges in order to make you smarter and wilder and kinder? Trick questions! The answers may depend, at least to some degree, on what you believe is true.
Formulate a series of experiments that will allow you to objectively test the hypothesis that the universe is conspiring to help you."
And this piece of writing about doing our part to create a heaven here on earth for each other by letting go of our fundamentalist beliefs is particularly good for me because I tend to get way too enamored of my own at times. Even the best principles and beliefs can become harmful when we are taking ourselves way too seriously. I am certainly guilty of this, and I am sorry for having hurt or alienated anyone along the way by being overly enamored of my own beliefs as I know I have, no matter how well intentioned they may have been, but I am always open to lessons that will lead to my own growth as a person.