Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Many, many, months ago I began trying to divorce my slippery ex. The one who ran off with the crazy hooker-stripper gal, and is now, at forty years old, living at his mother's house, in his little sisters old bedroom. Unhunh, it's that bad. That's why I made up my other journal imajerk, to kind of help me process the difference between who I had always thought he was, and who he turned out to be. I guess I just feel like judging him because he hurts me so much. I know that when I can forgive him and let go of this we'll all be better for it but as long as he keeps hurting us it's hard to get there. For now I remain cynical and painfully amused with a big pinch of fear sprinkled over the top.

Getting back to the C Ticket ride that is our divorce, he basically ignored all of my calls, and everything I mailed him, and then tried to evade the process servers who finally caught up with him. Then he responded at the very last minute by saying he wanted joint custody, child support, alimony and a split of all community property, assests and debts. This from a guy who hadn't even seen his son more than maybe three or four times a year at most and hadn't sent a dime of support since the day he left. We never had any assets or community property. My parents supported him for years. I bought everything we had. I think he bought a microwave once which I gladly gave him when he left. However stupid naive little love bug that I am, when I got his response I was crushed. Clearly what he was missing was not me in any way, but the money that came with being with me. Everything my friends had been telling me about him for so long was true. IN any case, I had given him everything when he left and I mean everything. If it even remotely reminded me of him, he got it, whether he had paid for it or not. Later he pawned or sold most of it. Now years later he's come back at me with this pathetic list that I have been asking him for for five months.

Subj: "The List"
Date: 12/15/00 1:13:05 PM Pacific Standard Time
To: CdelaLune@aol.com (Jacqui Hyland)
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this to you. I know you've been
stressed about it and I shouldn't have procrastinated so long. As far
as your confusion over my paperwork regarding the divorce papers,
that's just the customary response, so I'm told. I don't know who
helped you file yours, but they should have been able to clarify that
for you. Anyway, as far as community property goes, I guess you've
forgotten about the piano since it's been in the garage for so long. I
don't really have any place to put it rite now but when I do I'd like
to pick it up. I would like a T.V. You have one in every room, and even
after saying no the last time I asked you for one you then bought
another one. I would also like a bed. Beau doesn't need a queen sized
bed. Your mom bought him a bed and I don't know why he isn't using it.
I'm sleeping on a bed the same size as your housekeepers and it isn't
even mine. I wont even bother you about the computers. I know you think
it's fine that you have three. I never got any of my vinyl albums, and
I'm still missing c.d.s. I know it's tough to go through those things
and if you want my help you have it. One thing I still feel very
unresolved about is the shotgun. I told you before that it was illegal
for you to trade it. It is still registered to me, and if anything
happens involving it the police will come knocking on my door and I
could get arrested. You said you were trying to get in touch with
Dennis And Sherman but nothing ever came of it. I still want the
shotgun back. I would also like to ask that you don't give away any
more furniture. When I eventually get my own place I wont be able to
afford to buy most things. I don't know if you want to keep the neon
beer signs or if you still have them but let me know. I'm missing some
tools but I'm sure that's only because Wayne stole them and I obviously
don't blame you for that. I've written those off. I can't think of
anything else significant right now so I guess that's all for now. I
don't feel resentful or vindictive about any of this and I hope you
don't take it that way. I would just like to have some of the things
I've always had and can't afford to replace and I'm hoping you can help
me out. If you need help with any thing in the future like going
through things or moving stuff let me know. I'm sorry I didn't offer
before, I just assumed you would ask. If you need to talk about any of
this give me a call.


It takes a real loser to write a letter like this to a woman you abandoned over two and one half years ago. I lived with this man for sixteen years. He left so coldly, so hurtfully, and at every turn I was kind to him. when he didn't have a place to stay, I put him up in our old rental. When his own mother threw him out after learning that he had become a bygamist by marrying this woman, while still married to me, I let him sleep on my couch, do his laundry, take showers, and make his dinner and lunch out of my refrigerator. I did everything I could to support his having a posisitve relationship with our son unitl I realized that he was just using us. When he left nude pictures of his lover, next to a bottle of astro glide, next to his sleeping bag, in pur son's bedroom, I kind of lost it.It was pretty painful and in my face in a hard to take kind of wayShe had one leg up on a table, the other spreading herself apart for bettwr viewing I merely copied them and showed them to everyone I knew. Well, I had to do something to deal with he pain. At least I didn't glue them to a Christmas card and send them out to all of his family with a note that said, meet your new in-law.There was that one box of incredibly expensive cigars I handed out to all of the moving men, but I wanted to put all of his clothes in a pile in the street and set fire to them and didn't. At least I showed some restraint. The truth is I was more than generous, more than kind, and unbelievably compassionate.

In the time he's been gone he hasn't sent a dime of child support. When he left I was so careful and generous in dividing our posessions. It was brutally painful to do all of that work. He wasn't around to ask for help. He was travelling with his stripper gal and out of his mind on drugs. Besides I was way too hurt and proud to ask for his help, which I wouldn't have wanted then, and don't need now. I certainly don't want him anywhere near my home because every time he comes in here he looks around with greedy eyes. he doesn't regret the loss of my love, he regrets the loss of things, and I hate him for it. Jerk!

I think we're more than even but he still thinks I should somehow set him up in his groovy, long it's coming, bachelor lifestyle. He tries to make this sound kind and reasonable but the truth is, it's far from it. What kind of man would ask the mother of his child for his son's bed? The other bed he's referring to was smaller than a twin and given away years ago. How could he want to take away the bed our son has been sleeping in for over four years? I sit in it beside him to read to him at night. When he can't get to sleep I lay next to him. If he has a nightmare I come and sleep beside him until he feels safe again.

Nothing on this list was my ex's to begin with. He never in all the years we were together paid for anything we had. My parents bought everything for us, or I debted on credit cards and then had to take out a loan to cover that. The computers he's referring to are, an old Mac that isn't worth anything now, an IBM that my son uses to do his homework and play little reading and learning games on, and mine. I bought all of them with my own money, none of which came from any kind of earned income, but from inherited property income, making it mine outright.

The piano is an old upright piano I convinced his mother to give to him years and years ago for his birthday. She gave him the piano and I sold my jewely to pay for the moving and tuning. All through the years, whenever we moved, I paid for the movers. Finally after years of paying for it's moving and tuning, after having paid more than the value of the thing, I asked him if he would give it to our son so that I would know that if he ever left us it would always stay with us, and he agreed. I knew he would conveniently forget that. Now all I want is for a big truck to come on over, scoop it up, and dump it in his driveway, so his mother can get greedy and haggle with him over it. I'm sure that's why he wants us to store it for him, so she won't want it back.

The shotgun he's referring to belongs to me. He gave it to me. He went to the gun store one day and bought a bunch of guns and he said the shotgun was for me. I guess he was just lying at the time as ususal because it was so big and scary I don't think I could have handled the kick and I'm not really a gun person anyway. Some time after he'd left, when I felt reasonably certain he wouldn't come over and shoot me, I gave them back to him but kept the shotgun. Later I traded it to a man who was working here, for a small handgun he'd bought for his wife. She wanted another one anyway and he wanted the shotgun. Then they moved away and I don't know where they are. I told Robby that ages ago. He could easily handle the paperwork but continues to torture me over it.

Well I guess that's all I have to say right now. My stomach's in knots over this. I really hate him. He saw Beau last night for the first time in seven months. Then right away he's asking for stuff. He makes me sick, truly he is slime. I don't know how I could have loved someone like this. I just want it over, it hurts so badly.

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