Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Celebrity Speculation and Sexuality

Wow, I just got involved in this ugly debate with the moderator of this newsgroup devoted to proving that a successful working actor friend of mine is gay. I'm not using her name here because it just doesn't feel right. I shouldn't have engaged in this. It's just that it was so weird; I was Googling my friend because I have this baby basket to send to her that I have been procrastinating about sending for months, (You know me, the queen of procrastination), and when she sent a picture to me of her adorable little baby I realized that the two baby outfits I had bought for him just aren't going to fit, so I have to trade them out for something else. I wanted to find this article I had seen in a magazine that had pictures of the things she'd purchased for his nursery. I remember that it was kind of in the vein of that whole mid century modern trend that everyone is so hot for, at least that's what I vaguely remembered reading, but I couldn't remember the colors, yellow and green? So I did a search and ended up following a link to this entire newsgroup devoted to debating her sexuality, an entire newsgroup. I was so shocked. I mean I couldn't care less if she was gay, in fact I'd probably love her more because the more unique and individual you are, the more I'll love you. Plus I am soooo open minded about human sexuality. But here's the thing; this friend of mine is super Catholic, she ends her e-mails with God Bless You's, she is still friends with the nuns, she goes back to our school and speaks to the girls, and she's so in love, and just had a baby.

So here were these two sites where people were tearing her down as if she were some kind of abstract concept instead of a real human being, and it bothered me, it reallly bothered me, not that there is anything wrong with being gay, not at all, it's that they are accusing her of being a liar and being really twisted and mean about it, so I fired off this short e-mail. I told the list moderator that I've known her since grammar school, that we went to high school and college together, and that she is not this character she plays, that she reallly loves her husband and baby, and that she is not gay.

I have gay friends and I adore them. I even have a first cousin out there somewhere who is gay who I am looking forward to meeting. Gay or straight, it doesn't matter, really, it doesn't matter to me, but accusing someone of being a liar and of faking their marriage, and lying to their fans about it, that matters. I also don't like the idea of people forcing other people to come out, when they don't want to. I think it's intrusive, mean, and militant. Anyway I was feeling protective of my old friend so I wrote this e-mail that I naively thought would be helpful in some way, but of course I got this really angry response back. Ms. List Moderator is accusing me of being a troll, me a troll? She said that I was writing to her because I was trying to upset people and was seeking attention. She accused me of lying about knowing my friend, that she isn't Catholic, and then used the fact that I spell the word rumour with a U to prove that I am not even an American. Oh God what was I thinking? I just wanted to help, just wanted to do the right thing. Now I get why it's just better to sit back and stay out of things. Bleh.

Wouldn't it be funny if it turned out that she was gay? I don't know, this whole thing just really makes me rethink all of those rumours I've always listened to through the years about beard marriages and celebrities who were gay and hiding it. I feel really bad about ever having engaged in any of this speculation and gossip. You know who I mean; Tom and Nicole, John Travolta and Kelly Preston, Richard Gere, Jodie Foster, and whoever else. I swear I am not homophobic in the slightest, I myself probably fall somewhere smack dab in the middle of the sexual continuum, somewhere between completely gay and completely straight, so that isn't the issue. Devoting an entire newsgroup to a debate about someone's private life is. It's just that I just got an e-mail from her where she was responding to something I had written to her about her husband, and it is soooo clear that she not only loves him but is hot, hot, hot for him, and she included this super cute picture of their baby. I so wish people would be kinder to each other and focus their energy on things that really count. I mean why not volunteer or get active in working with teenagers who are struggling with their sexuality or gender identity issues, why not be of service instead of wasting time speculating about people you don't even know?

Just to be clear about my intentions, and to make myself an even bigger target, I wrote back to the moderator. I asked her to try to imagine how she would feel if one of her oldest friends was gay, she knew she was gay, she stated publicly that she was gay, and there was this big group of people out there saying that she was really secretly straight and was lying about it. There's just something really mean spirited about taking someone's genuine happiness and saying that it's all a lie, that fluffs my tail.

Okay, just had to get that out.

Big late night hugs,

PS: Some of you may know who I'm talking about. Even though I'm putting this behind my Friend's Cut, do me a favor and talk around this without using her name, kay?

PPS: My cat Harry is doing well. He has a scar where his eye used to be, poor guy. I feel so bad for him, but cats are so resilient and I know he's going to be okay. For the next week we'll keep him on antibiotics and pain medicine and they'll recheck him in a week. I got scratched and bit by a stripey tabby cat today in a busy area near our house. It was so strange to see a kitty in this super dangerous place, so I called him over and picked him up. I thought I was saving his life so I hung on to him by the scruff of his neck while he hissed and growled at me. I wanted to look at his collar and get him back to my car so I could take him home. His collar said, "I Am Not Lost!" It turns out that he lives in an apartment building nearby and for some insane reason his owner thinks it's just fine to let him hang out at a congested car filled shopping center just one short block away from one of the busiest intersections in the world, all concrete and cars, poor, poor kitty.

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