Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Happy Birthday To...Me

Hello Everyone,

I've been away from you for so long. I've missed you. After all of the dust settled from Beau's Father's accident and the troubles we had with Beau's school we went to our vacation house in the desert for about ten days. After that we stayed at our favorite hotel in Riverside for a couple of nights. Today is my birthday and Saturday we're leaving on one of those big tourist boat cruises to Mexico (Diamond Princess) with my Mother and her housekeeper for a week.

Because he missed so much school this year, Beau has left New Roads and is going to be home schooled with a distance learning program. I'm sad but resigned about this and planning to make to the best of this for Beau who has been begging me to home school him for years now. He's a lot like me, a natural night owl who doesn't sleep well, and early mornings have always been harder for him than for other kids we know.

A friend of Beau's, who told us that he didn't have anyone to look after him, ended up living with us for three long weeks and it looked like it would have gone on longer if I hadn't finally managed to get in touch with his worried Mother and Grandmother who told me that he had conned us. I honestly don't know what the truth is but in the end I am so relieved that he has gone. He went with us to the desert and drove us mad. He speaks in an overly loud voice, is greedy and ungrateful, eats like a prehistoric horse, complains constantly, farts frequently, smokes incessantly, has to have constant stimulation, and has a violent temper.

Apparently he was supposed to be taking medication twice a day for whatever troubles him, but didn't bother to tell me, and like most people who have to take medication to remain sane and somewhat stable, doesn't want to take it and thought he could simply stop. Because of this he was not only an enormous pain in the ass but flipped out and got into a violent fight with Beau in front of my poor frightened Mother. He went into a rage when Beau, who was fed up with all of the teasing about his being a little overweight (Who wouldn't get sick of being called fat tits?) finally stood up to him and called him a dick. He ran at Beau clenching and unclenching his fists screaming and swearing and wouldn't back down. I had to get in between them and push him back but he was like a mad dog and nothing I said or did seemed to break through for the longest time. Finally I was able to separate the kids but it took me hours to negotiate a tentative peace between them, and to have this happen in front of my Mother, well, it was really frightening, and so disappointing considering everything I had done for him up until that point.

My Mom was so upset by all of this that she took an Ambien that neither she nor I are supposed to take because of the seriously bizarre behavior it brings out in us, to say nothing of how dangerous it is for her to be taking a sleeping medication when she has sleep apnea. Then, instead of falling asleep, she went into a kind of weird dream state and talked out loud to herself for about forty-five minutes. She thought her telephone was a bolt of brown fabric that she needed for a dress she was designing. She asked me to help her stack up things like the remote and a pad of paper and some pencils on her nightstand. She thought that her pretty flowered lamp was a man's face and she had a long conversation with it. She thought one of my cats, who was sleeping next to her, was an old boyfriend. I was so worried, I was mere moments from called an ambulance when she finally yawned and fell asleep.

Oh my God I just got so scared, one of the big beautiful balloons that Scott sent to me for my birthday just popped. Wow, that was loud!

Robby, (Beau's Dad), had to return to the hospital when his leg became reinfected necessitating surgery but he is so much better now that he is driving and back at work part time. He can walk with a cane which seems like a miracle to me considering how close to dying he came such a short time ago. We had a nice long talk this morning when he called to wish me a happy birthday.

I have FINALLY finished my embarrassingly beyond-long-overdue holiday cards that have followed winter into spring, turning from Christmas to New Year's, then Valentine's Day, and have now become Easter cards. I'll send them out tomorrow.

My favorite newish television shows are now The Riches and Dirt. I also like anything semi-reality related and have been watching The Hills (I hate Spencer, hate, hate, hate him and don't understand how Heidi can't see what a creepy sleazebag he is), and The Real Housewives of Orange County. I broke down and started watching Survivor again, damnit, I have no willpower.

Speaking of willpower, I was following the Nutrisystem diet plan religiously for about four months until my Mother, who had asked me to start the diet with her, the same way she told me we were going on a cruise, by paying for it and telling me about it later, and who was unable to stick with it for more than a week, decided she wasn't having any fun watching me lose weight and canceled the subscription. And this after she told me during our first week on the plan that when I failed she wanted me to give her the rest of my food. So now I'm taking a diet break, heh, and am about to go on a food laden cruise, but I'm not too worried since I always lose weight when I travel, no matter how much I eat, because I get so much more exercise than I do at home. Hopefully we'll get to scuba dive, or at the very least snorkel, in Mazatlan, Puerto Vallarta, and Cabo.

I have so many stories I'd like to share with you but as usual time ran away from me and I've fallen way behind again. Most of my best stories are about the small ordinary exchanges I have with neighbors and strangers I meet; the man who parks my car at the doctor's who is always so friendly and chatty, the thin but muscular Brazilian man who makes my tea while singing along with Frank Sinatra, the homeless man at the big intersection near my house who told me he could be really nice to me with his, "big beautiful lips" when I gave him some money, a woman Esther met who has twenty children and has to count them in order to keep from misplacing any of them, a little girl at the big chain store who I surprised when I bought her the wallet she wanted but couldn't afford, the promoters of the Chaka Khan concert who stopped in the lobby of our hotel and chatted with me about how hard it was to find all of the many things her rider required them to have for her in her hotel room, (She was staying a few doors away from us so we got to see her and all of her friends and family and security guards -- kind of weird to run into such an icon at a Marriot in Riverside), a warm visit with my grammar school principal when she pulled up in front of her house in her car, and the Canadian couple we met who were sitting on their porch across the fairway from us, who we sat and played guitar with.

My life is made up of these moments and I love this. I also love the squirrels and the birds I take the time to stop and watch in my neighborhood. I loved swimming in the pool in the desert, floating on my back and looking up at the palm trees, watching the hawks building their nest. When all of the stress and drama that blows through our lives like the Santa Ana winds settles down, there are these moments, these small moments when I can putter around and savor my life. Moments when I can appreciate the occasionally slow pace of my life. After all of the years of working, the many different jobs I had, I live for these periods of time when I can sometimes live in the moment and really be present for whatever life offers.

Oh God there went another balloon. They pop sooo loudly and it scares me so badly that my shoulders are up around my ears. I let them go in my room and they're floating up around the ceiling, it must be sharp or hot up there. Yikes. They're so pretty. I love that Scott sent them to me.

I always think about my birth family on my birthday. I wonder if my birth mother thinks of me and I wonder why she hates me so. I wonder if I'll ever meet her in person or get to meet my brother and sister. I have two sisters and I can't say what I am grateful for here but perhaps you can read between the lines and guess.

There goes another balloon. Me no likey or as Furby would say, "No tolu."

I don't know what I'm going to do today other than play with the cats, go shopping, and put sparklers on the cake that I bought for myself. I was trying to think of something special to do, something that I can't ordinarily do, and I had this happy realization that my life is really perfect just the way it is, and that I am so lucky that I can pretty much do whatever I want on any given day, so there really isn't anything I want to do that I wouldn't be doing anyway. I forget this when I'm stressed and feeling overwhelmed, but today I'm just feeling grateful.

My neighbor and friend Karyn made a really cute card for me and gave me three Voluspa perfume things that smell so good; tuberose and jasmine, yum. Esther made me breakfast in bed; a pretty tray with my diet cereal, two sliced oranges, soy milk, beautiful pink roses and a card. My Mom called and was nice to me. For my birthday she's going to make a payment to my friend Ron who owns the pet store where we get our pet food. I've been saving the few silly little things I've bought on eBay to open today. My friend Atra and her family want me to come by tomorrow for cake. Scott sent me this big beautiful bouquet of balloons and Beau made me a watercolor of a city turning into a city with a river in the foreground. My cat Pinky just gave me a kiss. Life is good.

Okay, well, I think that's about enough for now. The birds are singing so sweetly outside my window and there is a slight breeze ruffling the leaves in the ficus trees. What a nice day this is. I want to get out there and experience it. I'll check back in later.

Love you,

PS: Vote for Sanjaya ; ) You know, I actually thought his hair looked good tied up in that funny ponytail mohawk.

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