The big cyst is a bit more worrisome. I expect cysts, cysts in my breasts and cysts on my ovaries, but I've never had one this big before. I have PCOS: Polycystic (I never remember how to spell this, Fibromyalgia gives me trouble too), Ovarian Syndrome which I basically think of as the bearded fat woman at the circus because it causes hirsutism and insulin resistance, along with irregular periods and fertility problems. So far I haven't developed a unibrow but honestly I've been noticing fine downy hairs beginning to creep from my hairline towards parts of my face where I do not want hair to be.
Tomorrow is the worst part of these diagnostic or surgical procedures; the dread bowel prep day. I swear the worst part of my weight loss surgery was the prep, which was a much more extensive procedure than this one will be, nevertheless, it sure isn't pleasant having to drink gross fruity tasting phosphate drinks that you know are going to make you feel like fire is shooting out of your butt. Then there is the fact that you can't eat anything for at least twenty-four hours, and as a vegetarian it's not like I'm going to be skating by on chicken soup. You're allowed clear liquids, any flavor of Jello that isn't red or purple, which are pretty much the only flavors of Jello anyone would want to have, (Red Jello always reminds me of the burnt out crusty ol' waitress at Dolores' Coffee Shop who tapped her pad impatiently when I asked her what flavor Jello they had, "I don't know honey. We got red flavor, you want it?" and ice popsicles. What the hell are ice popsicles? Are those popsicles that you make yourself because according to Scott my beloved sexy Big Sticks do not qualify. God, I used to love those things, and Fudgesicles too. Funny, everything seems to come around to sex and shit for me these days. Fun non? Have I lost you?
Scott was really good to me and spent, eight, count 'em, eight whole hours with me today. He went with me to the Imaging Center and waited while I had my fun procedures done, he took me to lunch at The Tudor House, then went with me to do almost all of the errands I needed to take care of, which was super nice of him and a huge relief. Afterwards we came home, made love, watched television and had dinner, yeay. I wish I could have his company more often, but he pretty much hits a wall at four hours away from the comforts of his home, sob, sob.
Soprano's spoiler if you haven't seen this week's episode yet. Just skip down to the next paragraph. This is as good a place as any to ask you why you think Tony killed Christopher? I mean initially; What do you think he was thinking? Was it to spare him the pain and suffering because it was inevitable that he was dying -- some kind of tough guy version of shooting an animal to put it out of it's misery? Or was it because he was pissed when Christopher admitted that he was taking drugs again? Or was it that he was angry that Chris had pulled away when he went off to produce Cleaver? Or was it that he was afraid someone would eventually be able to turn him like Adriana? And what was the meaning of the tree coming through the baby seat? Also, do you think the producers were trying to make the point that Tony was more like Chris than he cared to admit? Because there were so many references to this.
Sigh, Beau and I have been watching The Riches together, and he doesn't want me to watch any episodes without him, but he always has an excuse when I ask him to come in and watch it with me. I record them and then they pile up. I also tape other things I really want him to see, either because the subject matter is something we both love and have in common, or it's just something I know he'd like, like the half hour episode of Living Lahaina that features The Royal Lahaina Surf School on Maui where we took surf lessons. I asked him yesterday if he would come in and watch a few shows with me but for the usual reasons he couldn't or wouldn't. So I told him I wanted him to watch it with me tonight after Scott left. Tonight I reminded him and he said he really didn't want to and it was just television and what was the big deal, etc., etc. But tomorrow the Cable Guy is going to come by and switch out our malfunctioning DVR boxes which means that everything I've recorded is going to go away with the box. So, basically if he wanted to see any of these shows it was now or never, and he chose never. He said he didn't feel well and just had to stay in his room in bed.
Beau wanted a giant screen TV for his birthday. He's a serious gamer and wanted a really cool TV to play on with all of his friends. He's been asking for it for almost two years now but I just can't swing it, they're too expensive. He also wanted a Playstation Three. Like a lot of people he wanted this for Christmas but again this was out of our league at the time so we waited and got that for him for his birthday along with an extra controller, some games, and accessories. This was all really expensive and I had to put a lot of effort into making it happen
Just now he came into my room and sat on the bed next to me, which is pretty much what I've been trying to get him to do for days. He wanted to talk about how much he hates the Playstation Three and how upset he is that he asked for it. He wanted to know if we could return it and apply to money towards something else he'd rather have. Well, it isn't that simple for me, and without having to go into all of the details that strangers would end up judging me for anyway, I explained that it would be pretty complicated to do considering that I'd bought it from Amazon with my Mother's credit card and she wanted to give this to him and I'd already told her how happy he was with it. He went on and on complaining about how it wasn't intuitive, that it was complicated and hard to understand and he was going into such detail about why he didn't like it that I started to feel that burning in my stomach that tells me, "Uh oh, bleeding ulcer symptoms, stop doing whatever you are doing, breathe and release..."
I thought about the fact that he couldn't even be bothered to spend a half hour watching something with me, but that he could take more than a half hour of my time telling me how ungrateful he was for this expensive present that I had jumped through hoops to get him, and it occurred to me that I could simply tell him as gently as possible that since he couldn't be bothered to do something I had asked him to do with me, it seemed pretty unfair and odd that he could come and spend that same amount of time talking about this game. So I asked him if he could please keep all of the boxes and packing materials together and wait to talk to me about this until after I have my procedures on Thursday. He seemed so hurt and upset. He got up and walked right out. Great.
Now I'm left feeling torn in two. Am I the bad Mother who spoiled her child in the first place. Or am I the bad Mother who couldn't muster up enough selflessness and compassion to listen to her son complain to her about something that matters to him, even if it causes me a small amount of distress. Am I the bad small minded Mother who pulls a , "Harumph, well, if you won't do what I want, well, then I won't do what you want," move on her child, and is this good for him or bad for him. I honestly don't know.
Then to make matters worse, five minutes later I smell the distinct aroma of weed, or was it cat shit, and which is worse?
Beau came back. We made up. The world is all better for me tonight. He changed his mind about The Playstation Three and he even watched the end of a movie with me. But then he stole my God damned fruit flavored Mentos. Damned candy stealing kids. One minute they're all cute in their strollers and car seats and the next minute they're taking your favorite candy.
Hang on I gotta go vote for Melinda. She has got something seriously wonderful going on for her with a little bit o' Bette Midler thrown in for good measure. Okay, I've got to admit that her short neck bothers me, but what bothers me even more than this is the fact that I am so shallow that the fact that she has a short neck bothers me. Are you following me? I swear I'm not drinking. Believe me, I would if I could. Anyway I'm voting for her because I really like her, and oh okay, yes, because she's black and a woman and little bit chubby, and I want to support the people who I care about and can relate to the most in this harsh and super critical business, and even though I'm pretty sure Jordin will win because her voice is spectacular, (Even though the whole Sanjaya thing was fun for a lark), I've been rooting for LaKisha and Melinda since the beginning.
I am so anxious tonight. I needs me some reality television to space out with. Now that I know what all of the pain in my belly is, (Well, aside from the ulcer and the gastritis and the bladder disease and the bla bla bla...), I get to wonder when and if this cyst will pop and how much that's going to hurt. Boy, (Or Girl), if you think this is bad, wait 'till you see me tomorrow when I can't anesthetize my feelings with any kind of food. Wooh, I don't even want to be around me when I'm having to fast.
Oh and just in case I haven't really let it all hang out enough in this particular entry, I really enjoyed making love with Scott tonight, really...enjoyed...it! Is there anything better than sex? Will someone remind me of this once and a while around here? Sheesh. If anyone ever wonders what it is about this man that makes me keep coming back for more...it's the sex ; )