Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

I've been collecting these off Ebay. I like them. I'm catching up on my auctions today. I've been sitting here for hours trying to pay all of these little tiny debts, ack. I hate that I fall behind on these because I really love the sellers. They are for the most part, really good folks. Like these people, Dandelion Farms, how could you not want to support them when you see pictures of their cow, sheep, chicken and turkey. I want to live like this so badly. Look at this sweetheart of a cow.

My big black curly cat Harry managed to push open the door to my office. He isn't as friendly to me as he once was. I think he feels too crowded here with all the other kitties and he yearns to go outside. He wont even let me hug him and he's being so macho about it. Bleee. Mean Harry cat.

Beau wants me to take him to Best Buys so he can buy this cheap little motorized car. He wants to cannibalize the motor and attach it to this complicated popsicle stick toy he made for his favorite cat, Chippy. I told him I'd take him if he'd brush his teeth. He doesn't want to brush his teeth. He says I'm mean. Yup, mean old Mommy making her son brush his teeth. God. Sometimes he's so difficult.

We go through this kind of stuff every single day. Very little is easy with Beau. He's been like this since he was small. I love him to death but it's just who he is. Maybe it's because he's a Taurus, maybe it's some kind of soul issue that he brought with him from past lives, but I refuse to believe he's so challenging because I'm an overindulgent parent. That's the take his slacker father seems to have on it. It makes me sick to think that he can do zero for his son in terms of being there for him on a daily basis, and then sit back and blame me for any shortcomings or challenges he might have. It gauls me! I mean how dare someone who has totally absented himself from his son's life criticicize me in any way, when I'm the one who's been here for him night and day, seven days a week, for close to three years, while he's been living the life of a newborn bachelor. Grrrr. Now I'm having to worry about whether he can read this or not so I can't just feel free to call him a selfish jerk whenever I feel like it. There's so much more I want to say but I feel too vulnerable. Oh well, if I look at this in a Louise Hay kind of way, I'd think that the things that drive me nuts about him are characteristics that I have within myself.

This kind of stuff comes up for me when Beau is being tough to deal with. Parenting is hard to do by yourself. I love him so much, he is the very best thing in my life, but it's hard sometimes. It does take a village. I don't care if that sounds corny or if anyone agrees with me or not. If there were more people in my community who cared, our lives would be so much easier. Hmmmm, maybe I need to think about doing some childcare for another single parent, or helping someone else in some way. It would be so wonderful to have more of a community to help me with parenting issues in a totally loving non-judgemental way.

See why I want to live somehwere like Dandelion Farms. Here's their turkey.

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