Oh God, major frustration!!! Every once in a while I take a stupid senseless risk and type directly in the little box instead of in a text editor and then the cyber gremlins come along and snatch an entry away just as I've completed it. In this case I had not only completed it but submitted it forgetting to type in my password. Now I have to recap, argh. Surrender, trust, faith, ooooooommmmmmm mani padme ommmmmmm. the jewel in the lotus bla bla bla.
Let's see, I was complaining about money. But I know that is a waste of time because I truly believe that things happen as they are meant to. I feel really supported this morning because I have you guys and my Scotty is on the line now with me. How great! I called my wonderful therapist/friend Susan and my sweetheart Scotty to tell them about a problem I was having and they both called me back, which I didn't expect at all. That was really nice. Gratitude!
I have dry eyes. Why is that? Is that an age thing or an allergy or a hormonal thing? I just used some lubricating drops. Lubricating woo woo ; )
I changed my mouse out. Oh that feels good, new mouse, it's so smooth, it just glides around. Why does everything sound so sexual this morning, lol? Speaking of sex, (oh ha ha the mean AOL program tried to thwart my live journal reverie by signing me off, even though I have that anti-timer prog, but no more will I lose my shared thoughts because I'm typing in another progrm and saving as I go, ha ha cyber gremlin, you didn't get me) Scott and I made love last night and I guess I was more umm expressive in my vocalizing because after he went home beau came downstairs and told me he couldn't sleep because we were having sex for so long. God that's so embarrassing. I don't know why it should be. I guess it's just that in my home as a child sexuality just didn't exist. My parents were really screwed up about it. You know what I'm just now realizing that I may have told you this last night, in fact I'm pretty sure I did. Hey stay off the diet pills if you don't want to end up like me, well diet pills and antidepressants in combination.
I love Otis Redding's I've Been Loving You Too Long, it was just on, I love soul. I'm going to buy one of those corny television compilation CD's right now cause they hooked me, Deep Soul (1-800-591-4499). "Thank you very much for calling Deep Soul, you are entitled to a free rhythm and blues CD when you purchase the Deep...for calling today we are offering you a special savings on the ten CD...if you aren't interested in that offer would you be interested in a smaller CD set of over 135... bla bla bla." Oh forget it, don't do it, it's like one of those book club deals where they send you CD's on approval, blech.
TV is so friggin (I'm trying not to swear so much, don't know why really, maybe it's because this is so public), hypnotic. There was just a little thing on extra about Las Vegas showgirls trying to get back in shape after having babies using hypnosis. The hypno-diet whatever by Scott Lewis. You can find out about it on extratv.com. Guess where I'm going after I post this? You know my mother and a couple of her friends were able to quit smoking by going to this mean hypnotherapist in Brentwood. I went to him once and he completely freaked me out. Envision your fat, it's yellow, greasy, repulsive. Unhunh yeah that'll boost the ole self esteem, sheesh.
I wish I was in Europe, France or England or Tahiti or Hawaii. In OA they used to call that desire to run away to another place a geographic, as in pulling a geographic. I don't care what it's called I just want to be somewhere lovely and peaceful and richer in feeling and depth than Los Angeles. I'm missing horses big time. I want to go hug one. Beau has this report due tomorrow and needs my help putting in together but I have therapy today in the valley and I love hanging out there afterwards. Oh well Beau comes foist.
Ya know the main thing I wrote about in the post that got munched by the little cyber devil creatures was about how frustrated I am with my pal/assistant/housekeeper Coco. I heard her on the phone last night talking to someone about her children coming. I asked her this morning if they were coming and if so when. She said they are leaving Mexico today. She had tried to bring them in January but they couldn't get across the boarder. they tried several times but kept getting caught and sent back. I feel so sorry for them. They are eighteen, nine, and five, a girl a boy and a little girl. (I really suck at commas, I'm still trying to figure out how to use them appropriately, argh. I'm also looking forward to this survivor program on TV it just sounds like fun, although that one dad who got pissed at his son for gaining weight seems so hard assed mean and tough).
Anyway Coco told me that they are leaving Mexico today and will be here in about four days. That's providing they can get across the border. Then when they get here the coyote will want five thousand dollars plus!!!!! I owe her sixteen hundred and she wants me to ask my mother to loan her twenty-five. Shit! Today is secretary day at mom's house and she is always at her meanest on Thursdays because she does not like to part with her money. She keeps as little as possible in her checking account and it is so frustrating because she supports me and is paying for the last work on this remodel and will give me a blank check to pay a subcontractor but wont have the money in her account to cover it when all she has to do is call the guys at the bank and tell them to move it from one account to the other. Oh argh, money money money. I surrender to hopefulness, gratitude and acceptance. I know I have nothing to whine or complain about when my pal Zuma doesn't even have a phone anymore and can't get on-line. I just signed up for Save The Children and am sponsoring a little nine year old girl from Bangladesh. I'm really looking forward to getting her picture in the mail.
I am sooo lucky, I know I am.
I wish though that there were an angel out there somewhere, a cyber angel who would just know through some form of osmosis how talented I am and give me the training I need to be able to create a whole bunch of successful sites and programs. Or some Internet start up company that would like someone with great visual style and flair (yeah and a huge gob of humility) to hook up with them and share in the stock options.
Heh, Coco just came in and she has this kind of home made bandage thing wrapped around her leg. I asked her what it is and she said it's oil, sugar and salt and that she put it on this cloth to help heal a bruise that she has there. I don't know about that. I like the idea of using natural home remedies for things but Coco thought soaking her hands in alcohol and salt would help with her arthritis. What it did was cause these really bad burns to her skin that took weeks to heal.
Okay this is a really long one today so I'd better get going. Today's plans are to answer eBay email, (shudder), mail out payments, make deposits, clean my office a bit, get some exercise, treadmill at least, go to therapy, help Beau with his Dragon Moray eel report and do one thing for my acting career. Maybe I'll just start to gather some of my tapes to make a demo with. I just missed out on a job opportunity because I didn't have it together.
Okay love you guys thanks for being here in spirit,