Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

(Temporarily borrowed from bullmarketfrogs.com)

Hey Pals,

I'm up a bit late listening to Art Bell and doing a little bit of on-line health research. I think I mentioned to you that I had been a big baby about going to the gynecologist. I had needed to go forever. I had this IUD for ten years, yikes. My gynecologist, who I loved, (she was really, really cool, very groovy, curly hair, hippie shoes, pregnant all the time, I just loved her), moved east with her husband who was an oncologist. I saw a special on TV about him, and they showed them at home, and with their kids, he was so nontraditional and super empathic with his clients. I miss her.

Anyway, lately I've been trying to get it together (physically, mentally, spiritually) as much as possible, not just for me but for the people I love; my partner, my son, my friends, my cats, and the people who depend on me. I've gained so much weight and really hate it. I've been thinking about intestinal bypass surgery because I just can't stand it anymore and want a quick fix. However there is risk involved and I can't put my son in jeopardy of not having me around, seriously, if I weren't a mother, I think I'd jump at the chance, but with my ex being so checked out, selfish and immature, I can't imagine leaving my little boy in his care if anything happened to me.

I thought I should start seeing doctors and getting care, so I started by seeing a psychiatrist who came up with the ADD diagnosis and put me on Ritalin which I'm not too sure about, no one who knows me well agrees with this diagnosis but I'm going to give it another few weeks and then we'll see if it's a "soft bipolar" (thanks Michael) disorder, and try some kind of mood stabilizing drug that won't cause weight gain.

I found a great new dentist who I adore and began seeing him, he removed a tooth and has performed two or three root canals and I have a dozen teeth to go. I've had teeth problems all my life. When I found my birth mother I learned that she had had such chronic dental disease that her parents had all of her teeth pulled and she wears dentures. They did this to her when she was really young. That was disturbing to discover. I want to be empathic towards her but she has been so cold, cruel, and insensitive to me, that beyond my normal empathy, I find myself wondering whether or not she takes her teeth out when she gives head, if she gives head, a la one of the characters in Hotel New Hampshire.

I went to a rheumatologist in Beverly Hills who diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia and at least that explains the pain. She prescribed a kind of Valium like drug to help me sleep, but I don't take it very much because I don't want to become dependent on anything else, blech. She also said I have hypermobility joint syndrome which just means I'm extremely flexible and dancers often have this and get lots of arthritis. I also have flat feet and she suggested getting arch supports or orthotics, but I've had them before and just hate wearing them because I can't wear them with sandals which is all I wear. I remember when I was really little a man at this shoe store told my Mother I needed orthotics and my Mother got me some but then she just kind of spaced the whole thing out and never got any for me after that. That would be typical for her, she loved me, but she has always been much more into herself, and forgetful when it comes to anything having to do with me. I remember she used to forget to pick me up or follow through on taking me to classes or rehearsals for plays I was in. Sigh.

And finally the gynecologist; I took a big deep breath and forced myself to call my old gynecologists office to make an appointment with the best doctor left in the practice. However, they told me she wasn't seeing new clients. They really didn't care if they lost me as a client, I actually asked them this and the receptionist said, nope. I figured that was a big sign and thought I would try to find someone warmer. I asked my regular doctor's nurse Maryam for a recommendation and she referred me to her gynecologist who turned out to be an acquaintance of mine from Beau's preschool days.

Scott came with me, (I saw pictures of ana at her gynecologist and she had taken Jason with her so that gave me the courage to do the same) and I had my IUD removed and my pap smear and a vaginal ultrasound. I found out I have cysts on my ovary. She said that my IUD hasn't been working for a long time and that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant was probably due to my cysts. So now I'm waiting to take birth control pills that should dissolve the cysts, and I need to go see a nutritionist about polycystic ovarian syndrome because apparently it is making me insulin resistant and can cause cravings and weight gain.

I called my gynecologist at least twice and she didn't return my phone calls. It was so frustrating. Finally the nurse told me that my blood tests had come back with one abnormality, my liver enzymes are elevated. She faxed the tests to my regular doctor who refused to discuss it with me on the phone and now I'm worried and waiting to see her on Friday. Of course I've been combing the net for liver sites and any information I can find. Oh man.

Well, that's the state of my health. I just felt like writing about it. I know it isn't exactly the most entertaining read. Now I've got to get back to paying eBay debts and trying to save my building, bla bla bla. I'm so tired of being such a stress girl. I look at ads where a beautiful slim woman says, "I'm a yogini." and think, that should be me, how did I get here?

My therapist told me (well actually I pulled it out of him, he's not exactly forthcoming) that he got a new dog, a French bulldog. I'm really happy for him, I knew he was hurting over the loss of his two dogs, so it's nice to know he's taking a risk and being willing to love another dog friend. I was doing a web search and found this cute site called The Frenchie Fun Zone, it's not Mr. Winkle but it's really cute just the same.
Frenchie Fun Zone

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