Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

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Hi Everybody,

I can't wait to tell you this. Remember yesterday's astrology report that I posted? Well, it looks like it's coming true. The solution to my biggest worry within one hundred hours and the big garbage day. I want it to be true so badly that I don't know how much of this is suggestive, or if it would have come together of it's own accord anyway, but it's pretty amazing. It always comes down to faith for me, and I have always been taken care of, despite my mistakes, despite my fear and worry and lack of faith. Underneath it all, deep inside myself I believe I will be okay. I love God, and Jesus, Mary, the Holy Spirit, the Angels and Saints, Buddha and the prophets, Mother Earth, and the Universe for this. I get panicked and forget that I am cradled and cared for by a much greater spirit than I can comprehend, but they don't seem to mind because they look after me just the same.

You all know how stressed out I've been about money right? I have a commercial property that I own in Palm Springs. I inherited this from my grandmother. The tenant used to sell hamburgers and then he got smart and figured out that since he had a friend at city hall, he could get a very hard to get permit, to turn his lunch restaurant into a topless bar. From there it didn't take long for the topless bar to turn into an all nude juice bar. It's the only nude bar in the entire valley. Sonny Bono used to hang out there all the time along with the chiefs of the police and fire departments. Robert Downey, Jr., was partying it up there the night of his arrest, and my tenant rented his driver the limousine he was driving around in. There's also a local military base and that keeps the place pretty busy. You could say it's a pretty popular place with the guys, (and maybe some gals), my tenant is making a small fortune, and isn't planning on going anywhere for a very long time.

The rent from this building is my main source of income. I get a little bit of money from a small fund my parents set up for my son, but my ex is doing everything he can to get out of paying any kind of child support, and so far despite your kind help here, I've been reluctant to press him for it. Suffice it to say I need the income I get from this building, it barely gets me by.

When my ex ran off on us I had to take a loan out on the building to get caught up on debt and expenses, since my credit isn't the best I had to get what is called a hard money loan. That is basically a loan that is based on the value of the property and gives the lender the right to seize and sell the property if you default on your payments. They also take a huge chunk of money out of the loan in fees and charge an enormous rate of interest. The loan has higher monthly fees than you would pay a bank and it has to be paid off within a couple of years. It's a nightmare but something I have to deal with until I can get my credit cleaned up and get myself a real loan. These loans rarely loan more than fifty percent of the value of the property.

My Mother and Father are in their eighties and nineties respectively, were raised during the depression, and lived through World War Two. Taking out loans, financing properties to buy other properties, mortgage lending and credit card debt are not anything they understand. I respect them for this, and at the same time I have watched them miss out on some unbelievable opportunities, one of which would have made them the owners of a business so big I can't tell you the name. Believe me when I tell you that my father's best friends and golf buddies all went in on a business deal that has made them wealthy beyond my dreams. Lear Jet owning wealthy. My father passed up on that, he had the money sitting in the bank in a CD, but he figured he was fine the way he was, he didn't need any more money, so why take the risk. Bad move. My mother on the other hand is always pointing out pieces of real estate she almost bought but was too afraid to borrow the money to buy. Buildings that are now worth ten times what they would have cost her, the loan payments would have been offset by the income and paid off long ago.

That leads us to me. The compulsive spending, wacky and emotional actress/artist daughter, who never married for money or followed a traditional career path. The gal who never had enough respect for their hard earned money, who wouldn't join them in their country club elitism or become a Republican, dye her hair blonde, keep slim, join a sorority, and marry an attorney or become one herself. They love me but they don't understand me at all.

I'm liberal, loving and empathic. I adore literature, theater, film, photography, music and art. I hang out with artists, actors, musicians, psychologists and social workers. I do weird things like dye my hair fuschia and run around naked in the desert. I don't think being black or Jewish or homosexual is something to be embarrassed about but rather to be celebrated. I "never made the right friends," and I didn't "watch my figure." I'm adopted and I want to adopt a Chinese daughter or a harder to place mixed race American child. My ideal vacation would be spent at a tropical resort, hanging out naked with a whole lot of other naked people. I thought the Naked Guy at UCBerkely was a pretty cool guy, and I joined a communist student union when I lived in Spain. I'm rabidly anti animal research. I don't think Western medicine has all the answers, in fact I think a good part of it is a fraudulent crap shoot. I think everyone should try psychedelics with loving supervision. I listen to Art Bell rather than Rush Limbaugh.

I was raised Catholic and while I still feel tremendous affection for it, I'm pretty much a mixed Buddhist in my beliefs. I believe that considering half of our population in California is Mexican, that we should be thinking of ways to help them, not passing more measures meant to exclude them from the education and medical help they so desperately need. I think we should get together with Mexico and get something done to help them so that their people won't spend their lives dreaming of ways to get here. I think there should be a fair amount of legalized immigration.

I think Marijuana and prostitution should be legalized. I think the Beatles had it right because I'm not entirely opposed to people having sex in the streets, and to top it all off, I have a house full of cats and pet rats, I'm vegetarian, I don't believe in circumcision, my lover is Jewish, I have bisexual tendencies, and I am terrible with money.

I told you all of that so that you would understand why, now that I've got myself into a financial jam with my building, I can't go to my poor parents for help. It would kill my Mother, I love her, and I just can't do it to her again. I fell behind on my payments because I borrowed money in order to go to Burning Man last year, then Halloween came and we put on a big haunted house for the kids, and then Christmas rolled around and wanting to make everyone happy, I gave too much. (Yes, yes, I know, I've been watching Oprah, I'm working on all of this, I swear I am.) Then there's the fact that I'm a big huge procrastinator, and am being treated for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, which although I am taking medication for, I am still in denial about.

So, I'm in default, and my property is about to be sold. I have about three weeks to come up with all of the money that I owe the current lenders, or I have to refinance the property. It's been hell. I am a tense mass of tangled nerves.

There are two lenders who are interested. There were three but one backed out. It takes about two weeks from signing papers, to pay off the current loan, and the clock is ticking down the days until it will be too late to save my building. I have never been this irresponsible or stupid before. I can't believe I put myself in this much jeopardy.

One of the lenders, the one that seemed like my best bet for a while there, is very shrewd and greedy. They want to charge $15,000.00 as a loan fee, and 15% interest on what will be a frighteningly short two year loan. Their loan will barely pay off the current loan and catch me up on the back payments. Everyone will make out on this deal except me. My monthly payments will be higher and in the end I will have paid thirty-thousand dollars to borrow twelve. I had to pay $1,000.00 to their appraiser who told my tenant that it was worth one figure and then came back and told me another figure that was much lower. It's clear that his loyalty is with the people who give him business and not me, the sucker. He is low-balling the value of the property in order to cut their risk and maximize their profit, if I fall behind again and they should have to sell it.

The other lender, the one I like, keeps telling me to calm down and not to worry, but our last conversation was about how they needed a separate appraisal in order to move forward, with the value of the property coming out at a certain figure higher than the other appraiser's. The first appraiser they recommended told me my building was worth twice as much as the previous appraiser. He sounded terrific, but wanted $3,500.00 to do the appraisal. If I could afford that I would have made my payments. Then suddenly they came up with another appraiser. On Friday I had been calling the new guy all day without a return call, and when Saturday came and went without a call, I was doubled up with stomach cramps.

This leads us to the astrology report that said essentially, don't worry about these problems that you've been having, everything will be resolved within one hundred hours. It also recommended that I have a big garbage day in the meantime and that this would make me feel better. It said that although I may feel like Cinderella after the ball, to remember that I still have one glass slipper, and the other one is still out there somewhere waiting to be discovered.

I got up this morning feeling so afraid, but determined to just walk through this one step at a time. I started making my phone calls, getting things done bit by bit. Then my second lender, the one I like, called me back and said not to worry about getting an appraiser, that she had a long talk with her investor on Friday who not only wants to do the deal, but has her own appraiser and will call me in an hour and a half.

At around about the same time, I noticed that the gardeners were here, and it suddenly occurred to me that I should ask them to help me out with some of the stuff in the front and back yards, that has been driving me crazy. We have this huge trampoline that the kids broke. It's so huge that it's taking up the whole backyard. It was a lot of work to set up and I can't take it down, it's too big, bulky and hard to disassemble.

In the front yard I have these three pretty pine trees that I bought for Christmas, they're roots are still balled up in burlap and they'll die if I don't get them planted soon. Every time I come home and look at them I feel guilty. The plan was to buy living trees to assuage my guilt over having bought a cut one. It was my way of making up to the Earth for the felling of our Christmas tree.

The problem is, I haven't been able to find a good way to plant them and be able to water and care for them at the same time. I can't hike out into the woods and plant a young tree, without being close enough to go back and water it every day, until it's roots establish themselves and it can survive on it's own. I had wanted to do this myself, but it occurred to me that I could ask my gardener if he knew anyone who would give them a good home. He did and was happy to take them.

He also told me he'd be happy to help me fix my sticking security gate, had a friend who had a big truck he would bring by for the trampoline, and did I have any other things I wanted to get rid of at the same time? I've been wondering how I was going to get rid of the couch and chair in my living room that the cats have been peeing on forever, and here it is, out of the blue, Sodai Gomi, a big garbage day. I can throw away the broken TV, and I've got plenty of other junk as well. Shortly after that I was going through today's mail and found a notice from our neighborhood association telling me that we are having a neighborhood-wide garage sale, and asking me if I'd like to sell anything.

If something positive comes my way in the next couple of hours regarding the loan, it will be just over one hundred hours since my groovy astrologer predicted, it would take that long for my big worry to clear up. So I've got plans in place for my big Japanese garbage day, and it looks like my desperate financial worries are about to be lifted. You could say that I'm the one who asked my gardener to take some things away but who knew it would work out and make me feel so much better. Oh and I told Beau's school bus company that I would never let my son go on the bus with the current driver again, and that if they didn't get him another driver they could consider our account closed. Finally after all this time, they listened to me, and Beau will never have to drive with Bob, or be on the bus with that bully Michael again.

Okay well, thanks for wading through this verrrry long entry. Please visualize truckloads of money and financial healing for me. I'd be thrilled to be able to do the same for you. You're more than welcome to ask me to visualize anything you may need or want anytime you like. I really believe it works. The old expression about two or more being gathered together in God's name, can also mean people who are united together to do good for one another. It's a pretty powerful thing : )

I love you guys!


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