Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Sometimes I just get so sick of people...

I'm hungry and tired and feel weird.

I just ate some peanuts, but I'm craving sugar. You know what? Maybe this is what it feels like when the Glucophage wears off. Maybe this is the difference between what it feels like to be normal and me. Maybe this is why I put on so much weight. Maybe people who say they will stay with you in sickness and in health and then don't, should be taken out into the street, stripped naked and laughed at by underaged girls with tiny breasts. Sorry, little bit of anger there, I'll try to reign it in. Should that be reign or rein?

I just asked Noemi for a big piece of cake. I haven't taken a walk in a few days. My poor rescue doggy is hanging out in the backyard, probably wondering what the hell kind of dog-prison she's gotten herself into.

Esther had her car stolen last week and was so upset. She has so little and that car was such a piece of junk, but it meant so much to her, she couldn't understand why someone would take it. I decided that if I got the money from the loan, that I would somehow get her another car because she needs one so badly, but luckily, they found it. It was dumped a few blocks away minus the gas cap, license plate, battery and stereo, but they didn't get the tires. Selfish jerks.

I called my loan gals today just to make sure everything was on track and found out that the appraiser said he couldn't bring my property in at the price it needs to be. This is not a good piece of news. I can hear a very loud clock ticking and there's a time bomb at the end of a short fuse that's attached to it.

Maybe some television and sugar will dull the pain.

Beau is at Steven's house working on his science project. His Mother scares me. I mean really scares me. She's the kind of person who I think will eat me up or harm me in some way if I let myself spend too much time around her. All that exists in relationship with her is her agenda. I don't think she knows anything about me and yet I know all kinds of things about her. I'm sure she doesn't like me but she knows a sucker when she sees one. She's pushy, rude, domineering, manipulative, but on the other hand she has very pretty hair, dances on pointe, and follows Munktananda. It's confusing for me. I don't like her son very much either. I've really tried to be nice to him but he's super sneaky and mean to Beau. God, why did he have to pick him for a partner on this?

We have three weeks to help the kids get their science project done, but she's going out of town and wanted to get it done in one day this weekend. I had just been through so much illness and stress and just wanted to cool out this weekend. She called and started telling me what we had to do and I just kind of went along with it reluctantly, only later realizing that I didn't have to go along with things just because she said so, argh. Anyway she said she'd pick up Beau and do some of the work on the project if I'd send along some of the money. She said, "Load him up with cash." I gave Beau a hundred dollars and she used every bit of it. She even bought their lunch and dinner with it. God, I feel like such a shmo.

On the other hand I would gladly pay that much if she were kinder and took into consideration that there is just as much value in contributing that much money to this public school project, as there is in running around, making mistakes buying things, panicking, and having to go back out again. Today I went out and bought five huge batteries to power their lights. She was pissed at me that I didn't deliver them when she had wanted me to. I was about a half hour late, according to a schedule she had set without asking me.

Would someone remind me to erase this entry if I ever e-mail them and somehow attach the link, like I did with my ex? Shit.

OMG I think she's here dropping Beau off. I don't want to see her or talk to her, it's like being sucked into a vacuum from which there is no escape with my self esteem intact. When she comes over to pick up her son she says things like, God I don't know why Steven would want to be here with all of these cats, and one time when her son helped mess up Beau's room, she said his room was gross. She even tells me what she wants me to serve the kids for dinner. I had to tell her that I would give them whatever I wanted to give them and that she would just have to trust me that it wouldn't be candy.

It's just that I have such a hard time with pushy people, my Mother and Father were very domineering and I hate having to set boundaries over and over with someone. None of the other parents want to have anything to do with her or her son, which is sad because I don;t think she gets it. She uses people for baby-sitting and doesn't like to return the favor. She actually asked me to take her son for New Year's Eve, Valentine's Night and Mother's day. She puts on a pretty good sprouts and granola attitude, but when I hear that she was screaming Fuck at Steven in the car, the whole mystical-earth-Mom-meditating-on-a-groovy-mountain thing, kind of collapses. I've tried to distance myself, tried to get Beau involved with other kids, but he's in the same class with Steven and for some reason he keeps hanging out with him.

Nope it wasn't the entry gate, it was the phone. She was wondering why I hadn't come back with poster board that she never asked me to get. The last I heard she didn't want to use poster board. Guess she changed her mind. How can someone so driven be a yoga gal? You know, in a way anything is better than staying up till four in the morning like we did with Beau's mission project, so I'm grateful to her for that. I just don't like dealing with people whose energy is so intense and pushy.

...and to top it all off I'm jealous of her hair. I could seduce a hundred men with hair like that ; ) Where's my man when I need him? Waaaaaaa...

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