Aside from this flu buggy deal I've started a pile of new medications so I'm having fun little side affects, like nausea and flushing. I kind of knew I was going to have a hard time because when I first met this woman who had the same thing I have (the elevated liver enzymes, insulin resistance, cysts on the ovaries, high testosterone, weight gain, the whole pretty package) she told me that she lost eighty pounds but that was because she was throwing up for months from the birth control pills and the glucophage. I know it doesn't have to be that way for everyone but man do I feel awful, (at least I didn't have to have my butt examined, right Howie?) It would be worth it though if I lost eighty pounds.
Please bear in mind that the rest of this is in response to how angry I feel about the way men I've been in relationship with have conducted themselves with regard to birth control. I really love men and don't think they all act like this. I'm sure there are many of you here who are incredibly sensitive to these issues and loving to your partners. I just need to vent a bit.
I'm about to take my brand new birth control pills. I just started yesterday and had to double up because the cycle is supposed to start on Sundays. In the middle of the night I had these weird hot flashes and cramps and just knew it was the hormones in the pills. I'm just super sensitive, I've always been that way, I feel and sense things doctor's and pharmacists don't think people will feel.
Can I just say how much I hate it that all the men I've ever met hate using rubbers, and just expect me to figure out the birth control? It's just so fucking insensitive, selfish, and unsupportive you know? It hurts my feelings so much that men will just expect me to risk uterine perforations and infertility and thrombosis as a given, you know, without even talking to me lovingly about it. I was telling my partner that I am only going to take these birth control pills until they dissolve the cysts, and I could hear this sort of blink-pause in his voice, and he said, "Well then what are YOU going to do?" Can you believe that?
I know that there aren't very many alternatives for men but I'm sure that's because the doctors who invent the various methods of birth control would so much rather foist the burden and risk on us gals. Can you just envision what whiners men would be if they were the ones who had to take the pills and have weird things shoved up their cocks or inserted in their forearms? You know they'd just be sitting around holding their dicks and saying things like, "I'm sorry honey I just don't feel like it tonight." I wonder how they'd deal with bloating and cramps and weird hormonal cycles? I suppose it would certainly be worth it to some young ambitious doctor to invent something new for men, but for now the least I think I deserve is to have someone I make love with, not just blow off the risks I take in order to prevent pregnancy, when I'm not even the one who doesn't want to get pregnant.
My ex did the same thing, not only to me but to all of the women he cheated on me with. We had talked about my getting pregnant after we'd been married a couple of years, so when year three rolled around I told him I was done being responsible for the birth control and that he could take over. Of course he never ever wore a rubber, not once, and then whoops, surprise, I was pregnant. I know of at least two other women he got pregnant because he couldn't be bothered to spare us all the pain of his having another child while he was still married to me. As far as I know none of these poor unfortunate women actually had these kids, one had a miscarriage, and he wouldn't even help pay the bills, jerk. Don't get me started, it's just so Jerry Springer and I should have known, water always seeks it's own level. I was so naive and idealistic, I thought love conquered all, now I'm starting to understand the value of good matchmaking.
Wouldn't it be nice to hear, "Sweetheart, you've been shouldering the burden for us for ten years now, I am so appreciative, and if you'd like a little time off from having to do weird things to your body, I'll take this on for a little bit?" Nope, not gonna hear that one in this lifetime, well at least not voluntarily. This is the kind of stuff that makes me want to say mean things like, fuck men, but I really love them and it wouldn't be fair to the sensitive men out there who do share the burden.
I know that wearing a rubber can be a challenge and takes away some of the wetness and the warmth. I've tried sucking my finger through a balloon to see what it would be like, and okay isn't that a big deal lessening of sensation boohoo kind of thing, but at least it's over with when you cum. You can take the damned thing off. My IUD was with me 24/7 and didn't go away after sex. Every month I had to worry about tugging on this little metal string when I had to deal with my period, and accidentally yanking on that thing is painful and scary. I also had the fun of knowing that there was a chance it could cause Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, or perforate my uterus. It was really hard reading all of the warnings on the package including the lovely, by the way you could die, one, and now here I am back on the pill after all of these years. Now I get to deal with thins like weird little skin tags, which I got before and had to have removed, tender breasts and Lord knows what else. Of course there's also the insert which mentions all of the various ways I could get sick and die. So no I'm not going to do this permanently and yes I am doing this therapeutically in order to wipe out these cysts so I won't have to have surgery. Argh. Very pissed off me.