Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

This is a photograph I'm hoping to buy. Isn't she pretty?

I'm just here at my desk doing all of the daily things I have to do to keep my life running. Slowly, very slowly getting better, I hope. I wonder if medication is helping me get more focused, get things done quicker, I'm not certain.

The alarm man is here, I'll have to go downstairs and talk with him. I've been procrastinating about having our alarm fixed for so long, it's almost funny. It beep alerts me in the middle of the night so I have to get up and let it know that I know something is wrong. I've been putting up with that for well over a month. I guess I figured doing that was preferable to dealing with some guy coming over and teaching me how to work the darned thing.

I have to go to my Mother's and pick up some checks and then deposit them in the bank. I dread doing this. I also have to take the kittens to the vet, their little eyes are getting infected and they have tiny little kitten colds. I'm in one of those phases where my Mother changes her credit card numbers so I won't use them, then I'm supposed to somehow have enough money to pay all of the bills up front, then take the receipts to her and then get paid back. It's impossible to do it this way, it keeps me so poor and panicked, but she knows this and it gives her a greater feeling of control. It won't be long though before I simply get the new card numbers and start using them again, then everything will be all right, well as all right as it ever is between us, until I blow it and buy something too expensive and she cuts them off again. Sigh. Why can't I just remember to use them for the basics and not overdo it? It's so much harder living like this. One of these days I'll give up the game and go back to supporting myself somehow. It's hard to turn down money and a house with housekeepers and a gardner and ahving all of your medical expenses and bills paid. I feel like a well, I don't want to say it right now, I just feel like a user. It's complicated, try not to judge me too harshly.

I have sooo many pets who need care and attention. We have cats who need to be fixed, rats who have mites and a ferret with a cold and some cats with colds too, and our rescue dog has some kind of skin infection. It just gets to be too much sometimes, trying to keep track of all of it. I wish you could see my sweet cat Leon right now though, he's just so pretty/handsome, he's all black and hairless except for on his face, legs and tail. A muscle boy with big green eyes and a black velvet face. He drools when I pet him. He's jealous of the typing, I have to stop

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