Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Drew Barrymore and Tom Green, Bugs In My Cereal and Itchy skin, Rich Gooey Deserts at a House Concert, Cloning My Mother, The Pills I Take, and Poor Phil Hartman.

I'm having a nice day. Just getting going. Came into my office and realized how grateful I am to have DSL. I procrastinated about this for six months. What was I thinking?

I'm having oatmeal with rice milk and a kind of cream of wheat cereal. I eat them in between handfuls of pills and vitamins and coughing fits.

Uh oh, I noticed something itchy on my thigh. I don't want to find any itchy bits because rescue puppy, who in a fabulous stroke of luck, not, has turned out to be puppy-about-to-be-mama, has this awful skin condition where there are big patches of hair falling out all over, leaving red scaly kind of skin. Seven hundred dollars later we discover that it might have been mange that has somehow cured itself, and that even though it looks worse, it's actually getting better, hunh? At the first vet visit, we were told that the tests came up negative and that they would just give her a shot and some antibiotics for good measure and not to worry. Then at the second vet visit after all of her hair started falling out, we were asked if we were itching or showing any signs of mite or sarcoptic mange infestation. Oh gee what fun, thanks for warning us the first time. More shots, more pills, bathing medicine and hmmm, those nipples sure do look pink and swollen, might be pregnant but can't do anything about it now with this skin condition. I need a raging skin infection and puppies like I need someone to clone to my Mother and send her over here with a bullhorn to wake me up in the mornings.

Do you ever look into your cereal and wonder if odd little brown pieces of things could be parts of bugs? Oh and please don't tell me about the allotted percentage of roach and buggy parts that are allowed into our food stuffs, I know, I know, but I don't want to know. That's why I'm forever inspecting my cereal.

Do you ever take your pills and forget whether you've taken them? Curious about what I take? Here comes my list. Hack, hack, cough, cough.

Effexor 75 mgs extended release. Twice a day. These are my antidepressants. Now it says you're only supposed to take these once a day but my doctor upped it to twice a day when my ex split with his psycho stalking stripper girlfriend. Did I tell you the one about her hiding under the bed with the knife? No? Well, we'll leave that for another time then. I started taking antidepressants a very long time ago and I'm not sure about the whole concept. I think artists need their pain but then again, better red than dead, no wait, that's another thing entirely. I started taking Zoloft but that made me feel kind of buzzy. Then I switched to Effexor which manages to take the edge off the human tragedy, but I still can't watch the news. Sometimes I think they don't really help me because they seem to make the unbearable bearable. I wonder how much sooner I would have tossed out my slut of an ex if I hadn't been taking them. I'm happy that they help some people but they worry me, a lot. I'm afraid I might go have a few drinks, (I don't drink) call my dealer and do a lot of coke (I don't do that anymore) and then go home and do something completely out of character for me, and shoot my husband Phil Hartman, (no wait I'm not married to, oh well you get the idea).

Ritalin 5 mg 1&1/2 in the morning 1&1/2 in the afternoon and 1 in the early evening if I got up early enough to take the other two before 7pm, otherwise I'll be up all night. Okay now this one pisses me off. I know I'm forgetful and tend to dream a lot but no one who really knows me thinks I have attention deficit disorder, but no one who knows me other than my psychiatrist is a psychiatrist so I'm giving it a whirl. I just hate being the pill head girl. Plus it sounds like something that we are over-prescribing for children to make them all behave like little Outer Limit robot kids. I don;t know, maybe it's helping, I keep checking in with myself to see if I'm getting more done, maybe I am, I'm just not certain. I think I've become a bit more housebound if anything.

Glucophage 500 mg 1 tablet in the morning after food and 1 in the evening. This is the pre-diabetic, help me with my insulin pill, that goes along with my polycistic ovarian condition. Weirdly enough, when I take it, sweet and starchy foods lose their appeal, cool. I went to this house concert thing last night that was way too damned far away, but I wanted to keep my commitment to my partner who was really into going, (even though I was pissed at him for being an insensitive boorish jerk earlier, love you darling), and there was this huge desert table. Well, in the past I would have buzzed around that thing and loaded up a snack plate while careful glancing around to see if anyone was watching what the fat girl was eating. I went over and looked at it and tried to find something that made me want to eat it but nothing appealed to me. Is that some kind of medicinal miracle or what?

Prevacid 30 mg Caps I with dinner, heartburn medicine, didn't want to take this, I was talked into it.

Humibid LA Tabs twice daily, mucus thinner. I hesitated to write that, sorry.

Entex PSE Tablets once or twice daily depending, big yellow cold medicine tablet, dries you up, can;t take it at night unless you want to jump on the bed with your kids until the sun comes up.

Ceftin 250 mg twice daily, one of the few antibiotics that I'm not allergic to. They're blue and I wonder about what they're made of, but they always do the job. My doctor is very sparing with these. I have to pretend I don't want them in order to get them.

Lo Ovral Tabs, these are the birth control pills that are giving me the cramping and bleeding. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe it's helping my body get rid of these eggys, who knows. I think I'll call my doc tomorrow about this. It seems to be clearing up my skin, hooray. Although I used this Egyptian magic cream that I got at the health food store and my face was so grateful it changed over night, it has a lot of olive oil and bee related things, shhh don;t tell Jacqui she's a vegetarian and doesn't want to take advantage of or harm bees in any way. I only just noticed this as I looked at the ingredients.

Klonopin 1 mg before bed, which I usually split in half. This was prescribed by my Fibromyalgia doctor who thinks all of the pain and fatigue come from a profound lack of sleep. She thinks the main cause of the pain is a sleep disorder and told me this is her favorite drug. When I take it and sleep well, I feel a billion times better, but a dear friend became suicidally depressed on it so I'm a bit worried. Plus there's the whole, what the hell am I doing taking all of these drugs, fear thing.

Hey I just heard that Pink Dot/PDQuick is going out of business, nawww, how could that be, with their fine attitude of service, professionalism, and commitment to excellence, that's just too hard to believe, sputter, choke, scoff. I used them three times a week and they couldn't care less if there was something I needed and would purchase regularly. They NEVER delivered an order that had more than 3/4ths of the items I'd paid for in it. They were always out of everything and they hired employees who were, well, to be generous, umm, not the brightest pennies in the roll.

Saturday Night Live was a repeat last night. I love Tom Green so that was great but I didn't really get the whole leave him at the altar fake wedding thing. Seemed kind of mean and strange. Hey let's pretend like we're going to get married at the end of the show, but we really won't we'll just fake people out, ha ha. His poor parents, I guess they aren't as pissed off and eager to sue as they once were now that he's become so famous. I don;t know how they handle some of the stuff though, the pimp mobile and the statues in the yard, woo, man.

I think I'll go see Freddy Got Fingered today. Beau and I were among the first public people to know Tom and Drew were dating, since we saw them being cuddly at this kind of remote resort in Ventura were we go when we want tog et away and be by the beach. It seemed so weird, too much like the Monica Lewinsky thing, to be possible at the time. Of course no one believed us for ages until they finally came out together in public. That would have been worth five hundred pieces of silver to the Enquirer but even thinking about it makes me feel like slime. Living here were I do in this upscale part of Los Angeles I see soo many actors. I wonder about what kind of people rush to their telephones and call the rags with bits of information like, I just bumped into Michelle Pfeiffer at the toy store with her kids and you know what, she looks just as pretty without her makeup, ka-ching, here you go, fifty bucks.

Oh there goes the pager, my tether of love.

PS: This was before our conversation please allow me my moment of cynicism okay?

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